My story..My life...

Spur of a moment...

2010-01-23T13:11:00.000-08:00

4.51 a.m. just couldn't close up my eyes now, even though it is so late night already.

Having quite a bad health condition nowadays,

ulcer...

migraine...

diarrhea...

insomnia...

Plus I'm just bother by too many things that is happening around me now. Especially with people and also myself struggle...

Just can't help but to just flash back how much road that I've taken and walk till now. Things that I see, things that I've experience throughout these few years of walking with God. Well God always had His way of reminding me stuffs. For example, God always remind me about how shitty I am and how much stupid things that I've do all this while, especially when things are just going too fine. Well in a way, I find it not that pleasant but well at least God is reminding me that I still have a lot of touch up to do in my life even though I see things like they are well and fine. But reality check, my life isn't what I think it is, there are still a lot of aspects that needs to be cover up, such as my on going weaknesses of ego and pride. Well just only this two weaknesses I can already make everybody dislike me in just a few minutes time.

Was thinking back more and more, trying to figure how did this ego and pride come in thee first place. But well whats the point of thinking bout it if I'm just trying to find a source to put the blame on only but not trying to figure out what I can do to overcome this unhealthy character that can drive people nuts. As I think more and more, I find that yes there was a source of where this kind of bad attitude come from, but in the way, I gave in so much that it had became a part of my life. And all I did was complain complain and complain. There was no solution, no revelation, no resolve in it those things that I whine and complain about. And at this very moment, I realize that I was so ignorant all the time even until now I still do.

The ignorance cause me a lot of pain and unwanted memories from the past, and it still affecting me until now. And currently I'm really so in pain because of my ulcer that is located near the right end gum. The whole face is swollen on one side and I can barely talk to move my jaw. Really hope that things can just work out better more now. But well life is control within our hands and also God's. If God allows it to happen it will, but still we need to take our initiate to do so to see the outcome.

well I guess I'm quite worn out now...

can't blog more but will update soon enough ...

till then.

Happie birthday pretty one =)

2010-01-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday miss lovely Juliet Chong Jia Foong

a.k.a

Jingjungjingjungjangjangjang XD

Happie sweet 19 <3

Randomness again...

2010-01-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:7

Faith will make us stronger...

Feeling a moment.

2010-01-08T12:08:00.000-08:00

It's kinda late now. 4a.m. and I still can't put my eyes in to a resting state. Too much things in my mind spinning around now.

Well was watching youtube and accidentally found Kate Voegele's clips. So decided to watch it and I can say that it was quite relaxing. It's been awhile since I heard such harmony and peace guitar melodies. Was thinking bout how long since I've really put my heart on my beloved piece of instrument and really find joy in it.

All the while just playing to just to suit my feeling of emo and frustration. But in the middle of way, I was lost. Forgetting what my guitar is all about. It was never for just the sake of jamming and performing. It was a piece of instrument that gave me peace and joy.

Wish I had my guitar by my side now.....

And just strum away my thoughts...

hallelujah from Kate Voegele

hope you guys enjoy this =)

Brooke Fraser

2009-12-29T22:35:00.000-08:00

Been listening to songs by Brooke Fraser lately from her album Albertine.

Here are some of the songs hope you guys enjoy =)

Albertine

Deciphering Me

peace...

2009-12-29T08:02:00.000-08:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

(Matthew 11:28)

For God is always there for us, we just need to seek for Him and ask comfort from Him.

Focus!!

2009-12-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

'As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.'
John 9:1-11

This verse reminds me about a wonderful characteristic the Jesus owns. Single-mindedness or can be known as clear focus. It is hard to gain a clear focus on God when we have so many agendas going on around us. But Jesus manage to do that. All the time He was on earth He knew His calling and He knew His part to play in this great salvation plan the God had planned long time ago.

This is one of the quality that I admire so much about Jesus. Jesus always had in mind about His job here and even when he was tempted He manage to just pull it through and continue to uphold God. At most of the time, I just can't manage to do so. Always caught up in my own agenda and tend to just ignore God. But just have to bear in mind all the time, God is a sole provider!

Just like what happen just now, mom called and scolded me for reasons of me spending over money and decided to cut my allowance. At first, it really made me think," what the heck man, I'm really saving up so much already yet you still wanna cut my allowance around 40% of it, how am I gonna survive?!?!" But thinking of it now, God is the main provider but not my mom. Without God providing my parents how can they provide me. And at that moment I realize that I focus on money more than God. Please Forgive me oh Lord.

God is the one that we should focus on rather than other stuff. We always think that this can't happen that can't happen but with God everything is possible accordingly to His will. Whatever I have now, God is the main provider and definitely He can take it away from me also is He wants to.

'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down on the right hand of the throne of God. Consider his who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.'
Hebrews 12:2-3

By fixing our eyes on Jesus, that we know God has everything well planned for us and we can just depend on God fully and follow His will accordingly. God is not a sadist God but He is or great God, great provider to all of us. So just focus on God, for He will not let any of His children into despair. Let not the voice of devil influence our minds to focus on the worldly stuff but we should just focus on God alone. Amen.

May our hearts and mind will always set focus on you Lord as you are the main provider but not others. And with You everything is possible as we know that You are awesome and great. And your love for us will keep us alive and not make us perish.

Love our enemies...

2009-12-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

'But I tell you who hear me; Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you....'
Luke 6:27

As time passes by, God always instill more and more thoughts in my mind, telling me that I have this to overcome that to overcome. And this post responds directly to the last post that I've post which is forgiveness. When we say forgive, we forgive those who wronged us by reconciliation and make peace with them. But there is a greater calling beyond apply the heart of forgiveness. Which is Love our enemies, to good to those that oppose you.

Well 1st thing when I get this verse from God, I was like whoa!! Hardcore stuff man, God you are really testing me to the limits. As further on, I began thinking about people that wronged me, people that I dislike, people that annoys me, and the mind of this things just kept on coming and coming and coming. Well certainly I can say this is not easy for me at all!

But why love our enemies ?

'If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?'
Matthew 6:46

It is stated in the bible clearly, what is the reason behind loving our enemies, the people that despise us, people that we dislike or hate. If we were to love someone that love us also and that we have good impression towards the guy/girl, wouldn't it be easy? since we are okay with them. There is no need of like putting any extra effort just to try to even communicated with the individual since we are okay whit each other.

But on the other hand, loving your enemies, now this is a though call. Imagine how can we try to love someone that we hate and despise so much, knowing that the person might have wrong us so many times, until the unbearable extend. But God tells us to love these kind of people!! Why? It's quite simple yet hard to do actually. If we were to love someone we already love it will be easy to accept them but, if we were to learn how to love those we hate, we really need to calm down our hearts and put everything aside to just try to accept them and care for them. But by doing show, it shows a more genuine heart because although it was hard to accept certain facts about the person that we dislike, we try to put effort in trying to understand more bout them and try to help what ever we can do.

It will be hard but is shows more of a genuine heart.

If Jesus can love us so much even though we are the one who put Him on the cross and crucified Him, I'm sure that through Him we can learn more and be more like Him. Definitely I can say it's impossible for us to just love our enemies just like that But with God everything can be done. Jesus came down to show us all this ways, ways of loving those who persecute us and those we despise. And as a follower by all means, we should try to learn more about how to be a obedient follower and try to be more like Him.

So may we learn more and more on how to love our enemies despise that they had wrong us at most times, God is love and as Christians we should learn how to love those who had wronged us but rather than just dwell ourselves in the midst of anger and revenge. Love covers everything, and with the help of God nothing is impossible.

Forgiveness...

2009-12-19T04:15:00.000-08:00

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."
Luke 5:23-24

It has been 2 years since I accepted Christ as my God, Lord and Saviour. Through out this walk I can say that I've gone through quite a lot of problem due to my disobedience. But God is graceful, for I did so many wrong thing that had made Him upset and even at this moment I'm still making fault can causing Him to be disappointed at me. Which leads to todays post about forgiveness. It's something that is easy to say but hard to be done.

Why forgiving people is important ? Ultimately it is because of God's love and grace towards us sinful men. Jesus came down to show the true way of walking our life as Christians and for our sake He was crucify on the cross and His blood had wash all our sins away making us able to connect with God again. We should know that we are so bless because although we had sinned so much but yet God's love and grace had given us salvation and we are all forgiven as long as we repent and follow Christ.

Knowing that we are all forgiven by God's grace, shouldn't we be doing the same rather than displeasing God by judging others and not forgiving them by holding on on their faults and wrong doings? Through out my walk as a Christian I can say that this is one of the part that I'm lacking of. The heart of forgiving towards others. Even though I always said it's okay no offence taken, but at most of the times I just can't seemed to really forgive the person that have wronged me. Even as time passes by my grudge still withholds at times. Mainly this problem come from my pride and ego which thank God that He is helping me overcome it at this moment. Really pray that I can overcome this weakness of mine and advance further towards God's kingdom.

Going back to the topic.Why is forgiving that hard ? It is because most of us can't even forgive ourself to begin with. We are always aware about our own faults and most of the time when we repent and we keep falling back on the same spot which cause us to feel diminish and unworthy to accept God's forgiveness. And unable to forgive ourself we are also unable to forgive other as when we see our weakness on other people. By continuing focusing on our sin and not thinking of ways to overcome it will just lead us to a more negative part of our life which we will keep on dwelling on our faults and distancing ourself for God.

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
(Matthew 11:28)

For God had already teach us the right thing to do when we wronged Him. is to repent and asking God to help us in overcoming our weaknesses rather than keep saying sorry to God and dwelling on our own faults. What is the use of dwelling unto the past when we can't do anything except sulking and being emotional. The right thing we should do is to focus back on God and God will definitely help us go through this walk together.

By learning that we will eventually learn how to forgive others also. God had forgiven us so many times and yet we had failed Him most of the time, so if we are still unable to learn that from God, we are really unworthy of being forgiven by God. As a Christian we live in a big body Christ and our job is to help those which need our help. And if we do not learn how to forgive those who had wrong us in past how can we help them when we ourselves have grudge on them. We should take out the splinter in our own eyes before looking at others. This is how Jesus was when He was on earth.

God had forgive us long time before all of us are born, and we should take a repenting heart to seek forgiveness and let not Satan affect us by using our own faults and pull us down. God forgives and with a genuine heart for God definitely we can overcome our weaknesses with God's help. And if we know how good is God definitely we will try our best not to repeat the mistakes again to hurt God, and by knowing God's grace to us, we as Christians should also learn the true ways of forgiving other as how God had forgiven us at the beginning.

May we know of our God's amazing love and grace and also learn how to apply it in our daily life's as we get more closer to Him. Let not our hearts be influence by Satan's lies because Jesus already won the war long time ago. We are all already forgiven and we should learn how to forgive others.

Humility

2009-12-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

..... he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples feet...'
John 13:5

How often that we think we are better others? In terms of academic, family background, wealth, relationship with others, our knowledge toward God's word. This is off something that is seen in our daily life's. We always compare ourself with others and judging them, labeling them accordingly to what we see with out naked eyes. And with that we become selective and choose people that we feel comfort to help with, at the same time being ignorant towards those of doesn't give benefits for us.

From time to time we are labeling people, giving them names and we just ignored those who are lesser compare to us. But, this is not of what God wants! In the bible, it was show through Jesus that he lived His life as a leader which serve other regardless of their ranks and status. This lifestyle of Jesus is the way of life that we should follow. By serving others and helping those who are indeed rather than kicking those group of people aside and just ignore every single one of them.

The quoted verse above is from the story when of Jesus knew Judas was going to betray Him but yet he still teach serve them and was his feet knowing everything that is gonna happen next and at the same time He taught the disciples to do of the same thing to others also. From that passage we knew how Jesus is. Jesus is fully man but also fully God at the same time. But He showed to all of us what is the true meaning of being a Christian, which is to serve others and helping others but not of just doing things and claiming glory to ourself.

But nowadays what are we doing ? Instead of serving others like how Jesus taught, we took up the pride and walk another way most of the time. Being a Christian which means to be more and more like Christ but not just being a worldly 'cekap' Christian. All of us should humble down ourself and serve others like what Jesus did.

'I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sends him.'
John 13:16

We must always remember that God is our master and He is of Pure and Holy. we can never compare ourself to Him. He is our master and as followers we are to be submit to Him. It was never like go and serve those who you feel comfort with, but it should be go and serve those who are indeed. And to do that we must learn how to put down our pride so that we will always remember that no matter how great we are in God's eyes we are all of the same, filthy sinners and displeases God.

I know most of the time its hard, I often struggle in this part also. Always thinking highly of myself and just being plain ignorant to those which of I feel is lesser than me and I will just look down at them. But those are the people that needs my help more than any of my other friends. Pride kills, seriously and only by humbling down ourself only we will learn how to love others as how God loves us in the 1st place. We sinned so much and yet God loves us so much, and we who don't deserve any of God's love at the first place should also helping others to see God's love for them instead of just being selfish.

We are all of the same, our body is covered with sin. But by God's love and grace we are given a second chance. As a true follower of Christ, we should instead of taking the love to ourself, we should show others about God's amazing love and grace and guide them into God's kingdom. And we are to remember that we are not any great, but we are disciple of Jesus, and as a disciple our job is to follow what the masters says and being submissive to our master.

So may we know that we are not worthy of being love by God what more becoming His son. But we are given a second chance by God's grace and love. And as His sons we should follow His command and His way of servanthood. Because without God giving another chance we are all definitely going to hell.

EMOtions...

2009-12-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

Emotion... something simple and yet hard to understand of.

Emotion is something of that is in every human being on earth. It is emotions that make us human in a way. So that we will have feelings of, happy, joy, sad, angry.

It is true that emotions makes us feel more but, emotions will also lead us to stray if we are no able to control and handle it maturely.

In our Christian walk, we are suppose to be of sensitive towards God's word and his calling to us. But instead, I'm quite sure that most of us are being affected so much by our emotions rather than be much of obedient and more selfcontrol towards ourself. Well, that can't be blame though since we human are sinful in nature and deceitful.

As is was also written in Jeremiah

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?'
Jeremiah 17:9

Our heart will always lead us into astray if God is not in the picture. No matter how good we can be, we are still humans and humans always tend to repeat the same mistakes again and again. At the end of the day we are still sinful people in God's eyes but made righteous through Jesus. So the right thing to do is not to try to suppress the 'emoness' in ourself but rather learn how to let it out to God and learn how to overcome it ultimately. If we are to only holding back those feelings but not try to overcome it, somewhere someday it will still lead to where one reach their limits and KABOOM!!! There goes the emo streak again.

I myself is a very emotional type of guy, I can say that I can hardly control my feelings and emotions when I'm frustrated and stress up. And it has been bothering me so much, which also cause a lot of friends to move far aways from me due to the unstable emotion. It WAS NEVER easy for me even right now. But I know I have God in me now to help me overcome it, definitely at times I will still feel emotional but I know how to channel it of rather than try to attempt stuff that will cause people to dislike me more.

'Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be trouble and don't be afraid.'
John 14:27

God brings peace to our hearts if we let Him in to intervene in our daily livings. Doesn't mean that one you have peace things will just like miraculously turn out to be okay also. Instead God provides us with a calm and peaceful heart so that we will have a clearer mind set on what we should do next rather than being influence by what is of Satan's lies and also our deceitful hearts. Let not of those control our life but let God work miracles in our life as we learn to depends on Him more and more.

'And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.'
1 Peter 5:10

God's plans for us are definitely not to hurt us more but to bless us and teach us more about His way. And God will restore everything that is of His will in the end of the day once we overcome those trials that God put us in. For all this trials are to build our spiritual life up but not to stumble it.

So may we be more open up towards God's voices and know that we need Him so much to intervene in our life's to show us and teach us the true way of life. It was never easy but it is also never things that we cannot handle of. Trust in God and as time goes, we will see the fruit that we've planted.

True Servanthood..

2009-12-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

"But I am among you as one who serves."
Luke 22:27

In todays scripture we might get a little bit idea of where I'm gonna head today. Today I'm gonna discuss about servanthood. How a Christian should react when we are in a ministry.

Due to this era's teaching, leadership has been taught in a very different perspective. We always take leader as someone which is of in full control and also full of authority. Leaders now a days are to govern everything that they could, control everything that they could to lead the group or an organization towards certain target. Truly in some point this kind of leadership is effective in handling certain situation . But, this is not of what God meant as a mark of a good leader. Instead, Jesus himself had portray a very good view on what a mark of a true leader should be like.

Do you know why leaders are elected to become leaders? And who is the ultimate leader that allow their election to be done? In ultimately, leaders are elected to guide and lead us in our life's. In church leaders are like pastors, church elder, youth leader and so on. These are the people that is anointed by God himself so that they will help God in God's ministry by guiding new Christians and also teaching them how to be a true disciple so that in the future they can also be good Christians leaders that will continue on God's work on earth. But what is it should a leader having rather than all that worldly leadership quality that we always see so often in around us?

It is the servanthood quality that God is trying to imply to us. When Jesus came down to earth and at the age he started His ministry, Jesus portrayed a very good servanthood example to all of us. Instead of coming down from the heaven and declare His is God Almighty and send fear and wraith to the people, Jesus He walk a righteous life during His times on earth. He was always there to care about others more than Himself. Jesus was never self centered and He was always going around serving people and helping people with a humble heart of a servant. He does not take pride in His works but yet He give all the glory back to the Father in heaven.

This is the mark of a true leader, serving others that are in need rather than just command and codenamed those who did wrong. But sadly to say, in this world today there are Churches that misinterpreter the meaning of what is a good leader. Some of the Church leader will often take advantage of their authority as a leader and put words of not from God just for the purpose of deceiving the other believers to gain benefits from it. This is a very sad fact to be know.

Because what ever we do in earth is always under God's will and God's plan Himself. And definitely we have NO rights AT ALL to even change whatever God wants to tell us to do. Because mens heart a always deceitful and we can't make the right choice or say the right things without God's guidance and advise.

Philippians 2:5-11
⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
⁶Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Through this passage we can clearly see how God expects and want a leader or a servant of God should be. Ultimately Jesus is a perfect example of a true leader. A leader that came down in flesh and walk the earth to show the true and the right way for all of us,

WE just need to remember and remind ourself all the time, there is nothing to be claim for ourself when we did something for God. Because we could've never did it without God's help and God's love for us. All the glory goes back to God which at the very beginning that had forgiven us for our sins and mold us to be who we are now. SO there IS NOTHING for us to claim glory of. We must always remember our role are as servants of God on earth. Regardless we are leaders of churches of just leaders of other things also. We might be the one telling them what to do, but the wisdom to leading them comes from God ultimately. No men can do and make the right choice correctly just by follow their own intuition but not God's advice and guidance.

God should always be the centered of everything, so that we wont take the glory to ourself but to God.

So may we know our true roles on earth are as God's servants but not of leaders that rule others based on our own knowledge. God is the center of everything and only God Himself can provide the right choice and what is the best choice for all of us. All we need to do is to obey God's will and follow the footstep of Jesus so that we can be more and more of a servant leader to the others rather than a worldly leader.

A believer or a follower?

2009-12-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

'Why do you call me, " Lord, Lord,"and do not do what I say?'

Luke 6:46

Well I guess this is a very common thing that we as modern Christian are facing today. Proclaiming that we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ but do not actions to show our Love to God. It is true that we are saved by God's grace as long as we repent, confess our sins and believe the Jesus is the only way to God's kingdom. But, what is there to proclaim about when all that is done is just saying it out. What is faith without actions? Is it still call faith? when we face problems in our life's and we just complain that things are just so hard to go through it and most of the time we will just give up and sulk and 'emo' at the corner.

Was talking to a friend today about hard times. hard times as in trials that we as Christian will go through. One thing that we told me made me think a lot, he said,"Just compare ourself with the other Christians that is in those country where Christianity is banned and those who believe in the Lord are persecuted and tortured. Yet their faith is still unto the Lord regardless of what situation they are facing." That really made me realize how childish I had been all this while. Dwelling on what has been done wrong and just holding on to that feeling thinking bout it all the time, yet actions to overcome it are very limited. In fact those other Christians out there are suffering more than us yet their faith in the Lord is so strong. What bout myself? what bout some of us here ? Sometimes is just the slightest thing that God ask us to give up or just leave behind for now but yet we are already so heave hearted to just let it go. But can't be blame since we are all humans.

We can always be a believer, but with that 'insubordination' heart of ours we can never be a good disciple, and a good follower. At the end of the day we will be caught in between our desire and also God's plans for us. It was never a bed of roses walking a Christian life style, but with God by our side, there will be a calm and peace feeling even though when we are in totally deep shit. Because God heal the broken hearted and through Him everything will can be done accordingly to His will.

We as just humans always put God's capability into a small box, limiting our understanding bout Him. But He is God, the one and only God Almighty, the one that create the heavens and earth, the breath life into us giving us life. God is just so awesome and great, nothing is IMPOSSIBLE for Him. SO rather than thinking that God why this, why that, why don't we start focusing on," God just tell me what is need to be done."

"But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."
Luke 6:49

We can always say how much we love God and how much we have faith in Him, but all will be tested when the real torrent structs our lives. Can we act accordingly to the word of God? or we just dwell and just stay on the very spot thinking nothing be be done no more? It was never easy, 100% bout it, that's why God sent Holy Spirits to help us and guide us through these hard times, and all we need to do is just to be more sensitive to His voice.

As what was written in the book of Job.

He replied," You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
Job 2:10

When God bless us we will always say how good He is, but when hard times approaches can we still say the same? But God is of same and will never change, we just need to remember that no matter what hard things that hit us God wouldn't allowed it if we can't handle it and definitely there will be a solid reason why God allowed it to happen. For God's plans are always to bless us but not to bring harm to us. We just need to remember that.

So may we be more of a follow rather than just a believer. Because God is always good and never ever His plans is to bring harm to us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Follow the right leader..

2009-12-11T19:32:00.000-08:00

' ..... you have only one Master and you are all brothers,'

Matthew 23:8

As we know so well in this world, we are given free will to do things we want to, to make choices that we want to as long as it is suitable for the society to accept and also ethical. But given free will yet we are still bound by stuff like emotions, feelings, and other factors that will lead us to make choices based on those reasons. But other than that what is the other factor that will cause us to make different choices that we should have made in our life's ?

Leaders...

Whether you like it or not, our life is always control by someone or something. Just for example, our parents ? our friends ? money ? I bet you are thinking that even though I have friends but I still make my own decisions. But well if you observed carefully in a group of friends there will be always prune to have one acting as a leader suggesting stuff to do and so and basically he/she will have more influence in the group. Take it this way the leader that I'm portraying here is someone or something that will lead our life's towards different endings that God may want us to be.

Take another example money? Money is definitely another leader in most of the people now a days. People are willing to work for extra hours, doing all sort kinds of things including backstabbing or lying even so to gain money. Which lead to a ungodly life.But all in all there is only one leader that can lead us to the right path, which is Jesus Christ !!!

Worldly people might say why Jesus? He is just another somebody that got nail on the cross for spreading His religion. But the truth is we know that's wrong. Jesus is the ultimate leader that we should follow. Why?

(1) He is God.
(2) Even as men on earth we walk His life sinless and faithful to the Lord.
(3) He is so pure, yet he is known as 'Friend of sinners'
(4) He loves everyone of us.

There are just too many aspect to say that Jesus IS our leader and the leader that we should really follow. As my personal experience, a lot of times I had been focusing on other stuff which means I put other as my leader more than Him. My friends, my computer, my girlfriend and etc.. And guess what, when I kept on doing this everything that I though it was so perfectly happening just falls apart and my attitude just tend to get back to how I used to be before becoming a follower of Christ.

See, God is so important in our lives. We can always say that we can have our self control, but hey how long can you last all by yourself? At the end of the day you will just fail and fall back of square one. I dare say that we cannot ever control our decision and emotions nicely without God in our lives. He is the one that is doing the magic in our life's. The Holy Spirit in us gives us the conviction to follow whatever God ask us to do, and without it we will just fall back to where we started after being tempted and so on.

It's never easy following Christ's footstep, even He Himself was persecuted and was nail on the cross. But because of Jesus, it gave us hope. Jesus came down as full men to walk the word of God among us and showed us that we can be better and better and more like Him if we just try hard enough and be faithful to God. And through Jesus we are all saved.

Jesus answered," I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
John 14:6

Jesus is the only way for us to return back to God's kingdom. And this is the ultimate fulfillment in our lives but not by holding on to other worldly stuff that you can't take away after you've died. And as to be a disciple of Christ we have to 1st die to our old self and follow Him as a new creation.

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."
Matthew 16:24-25

So as what the bible say, we can only find full purpose in our life through Jesus once we deny ourself. Which means of letting go all those that we shouldn't hold on to. So that our hearts can concentrate on God Himself only.

May we just learn more and more on how to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ, and we will put down our lives and take up the cross and follow Jesus. Cause he is the only way.

Selfcontrol..

2009-12-11T12:28:00.000-08:00

It's the third day since that 'thing' happen, it still so fresh in my mind and just can't stop thinking bout it.

But well what can I do, I screw things up so I have to bear this feelings myself. Can't blame anyone other than myself.

I really have to stop dwelling in this matter, cause I can see the potential of me getting worse but not getting better in terms of emotion and also spiritual growth. Talked and pray to God quite often these few days. Well desperate I guess LOL... sorry Lord.

Through out this days just makes me more closer to God again because I started depending unto Him again rather doing my own stuff. Well what can I say God is great, I can say without Him in my life I think I wouldn't be blogging even right now. Like what she says all the time, you do what is right in God's eyes, don't hurt God and don't make people around you hurt also. So God just wanna thank you for helping me through this hardtimes though I'm still feeling it but God I know that you will restore everything back to how it was in no time. I have faith in you.

Today went out with my old school friends, Luke, Tyrael, and Simon. Well jsut share how I felt to them and I learned sometime that is quite correct. I ask Luke about how did you overcome all this sadness and pain when you had your hard times last time. And he spontaneously told me just control your emotions. Don't let you feelings control you.

Well I guess he is right, we humans are given the privileged of free will, but with this free will hardly we can just do the right things in our life. We are always bounded by our emotions, pain, regrets, temptations, frustrations... it made me think a lot at that point. I was too immature to handle what I was given, all I did was just by following my emotion which see what happen now. And I finally realize most of the time, right decisions are always hard to made.

I guess that's why me need Jesus in our life's so help guide us to make the correct choices in our life's.

Without Him guiding our way, all I can say is we are definitely SCREWED!!!

Life is just of too much of choices to be made and some of them are very hard. But with God guiding us through, we definitely know what is the right thing to do. And know I know why are you convicted to do so also. Forgive me for I did not listen to you and ended up with all this unwanted negative events.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

For God won't hurt us or just lead us to a dead end. His love covers everything.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7

God Is Love, and all in all His love never fails, so I will just trust in Him even in the most impossible moments. Because God can make it possible. What ever is install for me in the future, I will just trust in the Lord that what He tells me to do. We as always will always fall back into sin but by God's grace and Love I'm sure that we can be a better creation day by day.

May we have the strength to be more discipline and be more attentive unto God's word for us. For God Himself loves us so much and His love never fails.....

By faith I'm moved....

Sorry...

2009-12-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Its 4.11 a.m. and I am still awake. Cool! Looks like I'm not gonna have any early sleeps for this whole week. But well, I choose to be like this so can't complain bout it.

Was meditating and praying to God just now, these few days is just too much of a havoc for me. Well not that people wrong me, but I've wrong someone and hurt the person so deeply. And the person is my Closest best friend. Still can't get over with the stupid things that I did to her. And I just can't forgive myself and so.

It just makes me think a lot, really a lot. What if I never do this, what if I never said that, my mind is just so full so misery, frustration, pain, self disappointment. Just couldn't forgive myself. And kept calling her, trying to phone her, msn, sms, any means way jsut to let her know that I'm sorry but just couldn't get a reach of her. Well definitely I guess, who will just talk to someone that just wrong you so so badly just right away. But well, I just could sit still so I tried to reach to her to make sure that she is okay, but responds seems to be I still don't wanna talk to you.

Well I understand how she is feeling now, and didn't really force her to say anything, except making sure that she is okay and safe. Just hope that I could just prove to her that I will change and mend things up, and hopefully our friendship wont be just a mere history after this incident.
i will just do my best in fixing and patching everything up.

As I was talking to God just, just realize I'm really an ultimate douche bag! All the things that I did to her was totally unacceptable and I kept on disappointing her every time. But God just reminded me this verse.

John 15:5,8
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

And I realize all this while I'm just doing things my way, my style by not caring about how other felt. I didn't put myself in her shoe all this while hopping that she will just follow whatever I say. This very moment I knew that I really did something ultimately wrong and damaging towards the friendship. I was over controlled by my emotions all the time rather than follow what God told me in my heart all the time. Until things as such happen, and all I can do is just cry over spill milk and just ponder upon my mistakes.

In a way, it shows that I'm really immature to handle these relationship stuff yet. So I guess what Winson and she say was right. is because of my immaturity that God had taken all this away from me because He know that I will make things worse. In fact I already did by not listening to Him. Is of that in obidience and also self-centered act that leads me to destruction. And now I learn that sometimes or most of the times we just can't do things our way and not caring bout what others felt. I'm very sorry for hurting you my dear friend. Hope you will really forgive me.

God must always be the center of everything, all in all without God we are not capable of doing anything especially when it comes to communicating and interacting with one another. God never ever make things hard for us, is just our stubbornness that leads us to this harshness. Even right now, my mind is still having the thoughts of I wish I followed what God ask me to do instead of trying to fix the problem myself, and because of my silliness I might have already lost a close friend that I cherish so much. God I'm really sorry for being such a stubborn person and not listening to what you say and always take pride in my way to solve the problems. I will learn how to be more sensitive to your words even more next time.

As for my friend that I've hurt, If you're reading this just hope that you will forgive me although I've said it like a lot of time and disappoint you a lot of times also. I'm sorry that I disobeyed God and ruined our relationship. Just hope that there will be a day where me n you can just sit down and talk and spend time like we used to do. I really miss those days that when we had no single argument at all. Really hope for that day to come. But now, I will just concentrate on my spiritual growth and also my character building and same time wait for you to accept me back. By God's grace and Love I'm sure you and I can go through and make it to the vision that you see.

Till then, just take care of yourself. I will just be around the corner waiting for you. And if you need me just text me or call me, I will be there right away. Again, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Forgive me..

2009-12-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

It hurts...
I know that.. I know sorry means nothing....
Words can't patch anything up at all...
But time will show..
I will prove it to you no matter what....
Persevere I will be...
Even when I fall....
I will still stand up and prove it to you...
This is how I'm gonna show my affection to you..
. Will be here for you...
Now, always, forever....

Please forgive me...
I'm sorry....

Love you....
Now, always, forever...

Faith...

2009-12-09T11:53:00.000-08:00

As painful as it is...

This is what you call life...

If this process....

We strive....

Towards something that is always unseen and unsure by us....

And that we call as.....

Faith....

Faith, I can say that this is a very heavy word to be use to describe an individual's believes. When you say that you have faith, means you really believe in that something that you would just put everything every hope into it. Strong word indeed I can say.

So how do we apply this 'faith' that we always mention in our life's ? We do often hear this ....

"I have faith in you..."

"Please trust me, have faith in me..."

"Where is your faith?"

Well I do admit I say this a lot of times, indeed very a lot I can say. Well my point is, do we really know what does it mean by really having faith in a certain matter?

All this while, I thought that I had so much faith in the Lord and nothing could have stumble my faith towards him, and my faith will just kept on rising and rising. But well, God see the pride in me that I claimed that I have so much faith that I can withstand all sorts of trials and temptation. But 2 days ago, God proved me so wrong that my faith is just that small.

Something happen 2 days ago that really struck me back into my old self, full of hatred, anger, sadness, displease, disappointments, frustration, irrationality, I just could get my mind straight at all for the very 1st time since I became a Christian. All I can say is my faith was tested till the max, and I failed it ultimately. And for the past few days its was just complaining, blaming, on others why this things happen rather than by admitting my own faults and my own weaknesses that cause such things to occur. I was being so selfish and self centered. Without knowing what is my fault I kept continuing doing all these negative stuff such as thinking of ways to suicide, inflicting wounds and scars on myself. To think back of what I did, I'm really ashamed of myself. So much for someone that claim that he has so much faith compare to others. Yet, I'm just a sore loser like everyone else. Just can't admit my fault and moved on and try to change it rather all I do is just sobbing bout it and complaining it again and again.

It really made me think a lot, is this the so called 'faith' that I said I have? If that's the case, is just the same as faithless. Because what is faith without actions? It means nothing to God, not even a bit. Was talking to my best friend just now, she help me realize a lot of stuff, bout what I should've done instead of weapping and sobbing over spill milk. All I can do now is to take up my cross again and keep on improving until I become better and better. And what she say was right, I can always advise her about become a faithful follower in Christ, but I am not able to walk my talk. That makes me no difference from others because all I know is just talking and boasting just like an empty tin. As loud as it can sound but the inner is empty.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7

Then she show me this verse, I realize how a jerk I am and how stupid I am to do all this stuff. God's Love is never failing even though I had fail him so much not only this time but many times. But all I did was just complain while God did not even utter a single word when I've sinned so much. I'm sorry Lord, sorry for acting as such, and I'm sorry for acting like this in front of all the people that care bout me through out this period of time. I'm deeply sorry.

If God can love me as so graceful and merciful, I will do my best not to let God down though I always do. Lord just ask for Your help even right now to just help me, teach me and guide me to be a better person in Your way so that I can be a good testimony for others that needs help seeking the truth. I will continue to build up my faith, and I believe someday my faith will tell others how I walk this path with You Lord.

By faith I'm moved...

My Heart beats for you Jesus...

2009-12-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

At this rate... how should I feel?

happy ...

sad...

suicidal...

All I can say is that I lost hope ... on everything that I cherish and cared... on and off things has been going on in my life.. and many tragic and also unlucky stuff that I've faced, it sucks so much just to go through it even a bit.

I just can't take it anymore, I hate this feeling.... this feeling of getting left behind....

WHY?? WHY EVERYONE JUST TEND TO LEAVE ME ....

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE!! SCREW IT....

not gonna live in this world any longer.... i wanna just fly and get away from everything....

In memories of Jason 1979-2009

2009-11-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace in God's arm...

We will never forget you...

Till the time when we will meet each other up there =)

God bless~

We love you.

Updates !

2009-10-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah.. at last !! I'm posting something on my blog again after so long..

my 2nd semester has started, only 3 subjects intro to jap, shun zhu business arts, and also pendidikan moral ....

so basicly I have 3 days of class only, but sadly my classes are on Thursday, Friday and also Saturday... Gosh I hate Saturday classes man just can't do anything else. I need a Saturday break !!!!!!

hmm.. well guess have to wait for another sem, hope that I would get a better timetable next semester. Other than that things are just going fine I guess hehe ....

Been hanging out a lot with my ex school mates these days... Yee Kheng, Tyrael, Jia Yee, Cheah Hui... =) Just felt like the old days when we all hang out in form 6 ... gosh miss those days man ... and miss all my friends so much ... Just hope to hang out with them more ...

Nothing much happen, 2 months since I broke up with Crsie already... still trying to seek forgiveness for those stupid stuff that I've wrong her ... sorry friend.. hope to mend things right somehow ... hope you can find peace in God....

oh yea, finding a place to move out... at the end I still prefer my own private space =)

so now I'm trying to find a new crib to stay in hopefully can get one with a reasonable price... desparate for a self owned room!!!!!!!!!

well so far thats what happen in these few months nothing much big... still hanging on thanks to God's unfailing love towards me =)

till my next post ...

God Bless

2009-09-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

Hoping for a new start ...

2009-09-05T04:41:00.000-07:00

Just how do we meassure love ?

based on what?

I'm really clueless...

To say I don't love you... I still think of you from time to time... those beaufitul moments that we had...

but....

To say that I still love you... I find it hard to be back with you after all the things that happen between us, it has cause alotof pain and scar that takes big time to heal and recover.

Im really torn apart this time. So afraid of being hurt again and again. Is not that i don't wan't to face you, I'm just so afraid so afraid that I don't love you anymore...

Maybe our saparate paths without saying anything might be the best solution for us....

sorry...love you...

2009-09-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sigh.... Im so worn out already.... and things is just not turning ok at all....

wish everything is just a bad dream and I will wake up soon enough and end this nightmare....

But, I guess this ain't dream at all.... is the truth....

sometimes truth is very hard to handle... but then, what can I do? I wan't to hold on, but she don't wan't to.... I wan't to let go, but I can't do it.... my heart aches everytime I think of it....

Oh LORD just please tell me, what should I do?

stay and fight a good fight of faith.....

or....

leave for the good of each other(at least this is what I think of for now..)

but at the end.. If you are reading my blog... that is if you are...

just wan't to tell you...

I've never regretted in loving you until now.....hope you will come back to me....

Love you forever and always....

2009-08-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

Somehow.. I just hope i could turn back time....

Wind back to the very begining where everything hadn't happen.... and stop everything....

All this while I was so positive it was the right choise that I had made... but now... I doubt bout it alot, is it really the right thing that I had decided during the brink of that moment..

I really wonder......

Things might turn out to be better I guess if I handle it properly that time. Sigh....

Sorry for everything.... I couldn't be the right one I guess....

need a break!!

2009-08-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

seriously man I need a break....

like just can't be at peace at most times, from time to time we just kept on moving and moving foward. There is just too lilttle time to take a rest, could only afford to take a short break...

ahh.... really hope I could jsut get away .. .get away from all this noise in ly life just for few days ...

really wanna relax and enjoy...

wish i could be here now

the caribbean

arghh i need a vacation desparately =(

2009-08-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

So fast it's already week 13 in university life!!!

woah~~~ time flies just like that ... just 2 months ago I jsut started university and poof now I'm soon taking my finals and having my 1st university semester break!!

well its kinda fun thinking of semester break, but still back to the reality I have a exam to pass man !!!! just hopefully i can pass the exam will good scores =) at least a B lol....

well nothing much wanna share here for now so till the next post =)

God Bless

GEt in tune with God

2009-08-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Another inspiring preaching from Rob Bell...

Hope you guys enjoy it =)

I'm back.....

2009-08-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

Hey guys I'm back to blog more i guess...

it's been qutie a while since I blogged... hopefully you guys will still tune in and catch up with my future post till then =)

People always leave..

2009-06-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

People always leave...
Do they ? guess is like that in my life... people just come in and go off just like that, feel like you are standing in the middle of the road.. seeing and observing people come and walk pass you..

Really wonder how does it feel? when you have a close friend for even once.. and you thought that it will be a very beautiful friendship that will be long lasting, but just at that blink moment, the things that you always thought that will be there is soon to be not there... feeling of loss every single time you give in, and you only ended up being lonely....

I really hope for a really long lasting friendship.... but so far is like majority of my close friends just come and go... and even when we try to keep in touch at the end we just lost contact... just today got to know bout my friend might be leaving for further studies in a so called better university.. when I heard that, it felt like something really hard just hit on my chest... and i was thinking, what another one leaving!! Gosh I'm running out of close friends...for that moment I just feel so upset, don't even know how to react... all I did was just kept quite and did not even say anything. I know that I have no rights to tell my friend what to do and decide for my friend, but deep down in my heart I just really hope that this friend of mine could really stay.... is not easy for us to build up such a good friendship and now know that my friend will be leaving ... I'm really feeling super upset till the max..

Some people might think is just a friend.. you can make new friends again =) but as for me, I know that is really hard to find a friend that can really click and talk and also share your heart with. I really treasure this friend of mine. And just wanna thank you for everything that you did to support me as a friend. even when i gave up on something, you can always make me take back what I say and strive hard for it....
If you are reading my blog, I just want you to know... having you as a good friend is the best thing ever since I came down to study in kampar.. so just wanna thank you for everything, every support and encouragement that you gave me ... thanks alot =)

And yea, I really hope that you can stay... will be super upset to lose a friend like you...
Anyhow, things are still blur but one thing that is I'm really glad to have you as my friend all this while.... thanks alot friend.

People Always Leave........ But I say, Why not stay for awhile longer ...

Kampar life ~

2009-06-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

Just came back from Ipoh... back to the super duper hot place.. kampar....
gosh what is wrong with the weather man... its so freakin hot plus plus there is alot of haze now days... have a feeling that I might fall sick again =___='

Feeling so random again... but this is the 1st time I blog outside from my comfy room... ahhh miss my air conditioner so much ... the cooling air ... but now I am so hot and sweating and feeling sticky... yucks.. guess you all can imagine how it feels ...

Its already been 3 weeks since I came down to kampar to do my further studies... now
I'm entering week 4 .. gosh is it me or is it time in Uni passes faster than six form life... so pack up with assignments assignments and still assignments!! Oh Lord save me please ....

Plus just too many things happen and still so many unsolve business ... starting to feel stress again... And I guess that's somehow good and bad in a way ... Good is I can motivate myself to keep on going and striving towards my dream bad is I might go in to depressing state again .... hopefully it won't happen again ... it's a nightmare for me ...

but well dispise all things that happen and deep shit that I step in ... still in a way i feel calm and relax... maybe because I know that God is looking over me =) I'm seriously really really glad to have God with me ... thanks alot God for providing securenss for me ...

well nothing much to say for now... sry guys been very busy with Uni .. will soon update me bloggie ... till next time ...

chaoz~~

Mixed feelings

2009-05-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep well...
Don't feel like doing anything...
Don't feel like eating that much...

It's been a though month for me, and yea I think I should a break by blogging out my feelings and thoughts =)

SO many stuff, unwanted stuff just keep coming in my life.. And I kept wondering why is it I'm going through such a heartache period? Is it because of my fault ? peoples fault? or is it God that send all this trials for me to build me up?

Well till now I still take it a God giving me lessons though trials, well I guess God won't send things that i can't handle to me. Well then what am I so frustrated about ? Gosh, I don't even know why ...

Im just sosososososo lost now, can't concentrate in every stuff that im doin.

Lord please help me... I'm really torn apart now... DOn't know what step to take next..
Just pray that God You will just clear out my cloudy mind .. and show me what is the truth.. the answer for the question that I'm asking all along... I'm just so sick and worn out....

Upset & Sorry

2009-05-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

Love ? does people really know what is love ?
Just thinking of that makes me unhappy... I don't know what's the main reason for my anger but I'm just really angry and piss off when I hear and see people treating love like 'trash'!!!

well back to my topic.. WHY?? WHY ?? WHY?? why is the mentality of human now days so low... as i said from my previous post, Love is something that is so sacred.. Love show us how God care about all of us!! God is LOVE!! everything begins with God's LOVE!!! so do you see the connection??? Even in our life's, without Love we can't survive that long, everyone needs Love .. True Love I mean...

Something happen today that really upset me a lot. I got a call from my friend knowing the my friend feeling was being play by some person that my friend likes. Hearing that sores me even more. And I really felt like I was useless at that moment cant even say something that can make my friend feel better, just wanna appolagize to you if you are reading my blog. I'm sorry I'm not in any good help in this, I'm really sorry.....

The LORD is close to the heartbroken...

so don't worry ok? God is always with you and He will definately lift up all the sadness that you have.. just stay strong =)

sorry I'm emo-ing also already..
thats all for today..
till next time..

God or money?

2009-04-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

Have you every wonder what life is about ?
I bet this question always pops-up in our mind... what's my purpose ? what's the reason I'm born? what's my destiny?
And MOST of the time we just can't seem to figure it out. Our purpose, our dreams, our visions... sometimes we wanna be like this and other times we wanna be like that, the decision of ours is always not the same depending on the situation that we are going through.

I mean why all this kind of confusion that we are giving ourselves, making us feel so stress up all the time, and at the end of the day, some of us might just end up somewhere where we did not even plan at the first place. Sucks right ? but that's the culture I'm seeing now days people choosing the path that they thought it was right but at the end of the day they realize that the path that they took was wrong all this while. And I can see that some of them had given up on pursuing their dreams.

This is a norm in our society now days, people are just living for one thing. MONEY!!! tell me if I'm wrong, more den 90% population around the world only have one aim in their lives, EARN ALOT OF MONEY so that they wouldn't need to worry bout their lives anymore. Well that's sounds really secure right ? with all the money, we can buy anything we want, do whatever we want, go places that we want, life is just so easy when we have alot of money. But just let me ask you, Is it true ? with money everything will be solve ? are you sure that money is the key to everything ?

Well the answer is definately NO!! NO!! NO!!

It's simple to answer, money can't buy health, money can't buy friendship, money can't buy love, there just some much important things in life that money can't buy... and you know what ?If we always focus on money, that means our relationship with God will also distance away..
Just take Luke 16:13 for example
"No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other, of be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money"
This verse clearly states that we can only choose either God or money and the priority in our lives. We can't put both of them in ourlifes and claim that both is equally important. That doesn't mean that money is not important. But God is much more important in all of our life's. We can survive without money but with God by our side, but on the other hand, we CAN'T survive with just only money and God our of ourlifes.

God is the center of everything, without God we wouldn't even exist in thi very place. I'm saying all this doesn't mean that we don't need moeny in ourlifes, YES! no doubt we need money to survive in this society but with God by ourside why worry ? God loves us so much he sends his only Son to die for our sins. I'm sure God won't leave us to starve to death. God is always providing us with the things we NEED. Take note is the things we NEED but not the things we WAN'T . There's a difference wanting something and needing something.
For example,
You need a handphone, so your dad buys one handphone. The handpohne is good enuf with all the basic functions you need to communicate. That's the thing you NEED!!
But rather sticking to that handphone, you asked ur dad for a better handphone. It has the same function but with additional functions add-on. And That's you desire, the thing that you WAN'T.

So you see the difference? God provides us with the things that we need in our lifes, but is us that is always unsatisfy with they things that we already have and we ask more from God. And if God never bless us when we ask for it, then we will blame God for not caring. And worst some of us choose to turn into money worshipers rather than believing in God will provide us. This mind set is definately not right. even the bible says in Proverbs 21:17
"¹⁷ Those who love pleasure become poor;
those who love wine and luxury will never be rich."
When we don't focus on God but other stuff, definately God wouldn't bless us. Because we are not worshiping God but rather we are worshiping money as our God. So why would God wanna bless those who turn away from Him and worship other things as God.

SO fellow readers, just wan you to think bout what i've said, Money is important, but God is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than money.you know ? When we die, we can't bring the treasures on earth to heaven, but is we serve God, obey Him, Love Him, there are even more treasures waiting for us in eternal life. So why wanna be so obsess about money that is just temporally. Let us just focus on God and definately God will bless all his beloved child =)
So guys just think bout it, if you still have this mind set that money is much more important, pray to God and ask for His help, is never too late to ask God for help =)

That's all for this time post, I'm kinda tired so gonna sleep now.
Till the next post see ya...

God Bless....

Practicing True Love lesson II

2009-04-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps I'm back again for the futher explain bout the topic what is LOVE ~~
following up my last post I was explaining about what is true love.. and we know that love is not SEX !! =)

found a nice clip that will futher explain to u guys what is called love ...
Love that is describe in the bible the bible =)
hope you guys will enjoy it ..

Kate Voegele

2009-04-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps Another COOL song for you this week
From kate voegele~~
Her voice and guitar skills are just so awesome =)
hope u guys enjoy it...

Practicing True Love lesson Part I

2009-04-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

Love what is Love ?
I think i discuss this topic on this blog on the very early days when I started blogging. But the hey, Im a christian now surely it will be quite different if i were to explain bout what is love...

Through out these past years, I've been through so many relationships... from heart pain to another heart pain and to another heart pain... .well I guess love is all about heart pain and break ups ? well I guess these are the symptoms for the people now days treating relationship like a ball throwing it all around, if no feeling already then break up. IF this is the cycle for relationship I wonder how many cycle we have to go through till we find the right 1. 10 ? 20? may be never ... @.@

So what is the definition of love for all of us these days ? No offense but 90%+ people around the world have the concept the LOVE = SEX ... @.@" sick right ? I wonder what has gone wrong with peoples mind now days .. Love is something so sacred that come from God and love has the power to change so many things, but sadly now days we people interprate love as sex.. well sry peeps out there.. LOVE IS NOT = TO SEX !!! LOVE IS LOVE it's so amazing that we can't even use words to explain it ... only actions with sincere heart that can show someones love.

Moving on, so since the conpect of love is wrongly interpreated, so what is the true meaning of love ? well this we have to flip our bible and serch for this verse.

*1 Corinthians 13:4-7* (one of my favourite verse =) )
4. Love suffers long and is kind; Love does not envy; Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5. does not bhave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoke, thinks no evil; 6. does not rejoice in iniquity, but joices in the truth; 7. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,

This verse show us and tell us what is true love. Love is not something that can be done or show easily. well think logicly, if loving would be that easy to show, God wouldn't sent his only Beloved Son Jesus Christ to be crucify on the cross to save all of us from eternal comdemtion. God love us so much that God is willing to take such move for all of us. Well thats what you call unfailling love.
From these, do you have a clear mind set of what is love? Love is not something that we can jsut say to someone e.g. "I love you, and i will do anything for you!" yea right as if we are really willing to give in( at least most of the people won't these days) Just by saying you love someone doesn't mean that u love someone, but by taking actions, I mean actions that is sincere and truthearted now that is what we call Love.

So how do you show love to someone ? If we refer back to the verse, we will do things unconditionally for our love ones no matter how hard the things are. well these is just one of the signs of love. there are so many ways to show that we love others and the list will be very long if I were to continue telling it.

Overall this post is just the 1st post bout Love so there will be more guides in the next few post.
Generally this is the introduction for the next few post, so hope you guys will sit tight and wait for the next post . Till then....

God Bless...
-Andrew Teoh Ting Jiun-

Random

2009-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

It's been almost half a year I guess since I had not written anything in to my blog. TO be honest too much things happen to me now days but still I feel so lazy to blog it out. Well why blog it out ? does it even matter to people nowdays ? All they want is jsut to know what's going on but never really bother or care... but hey that's the truth side of us human in this society so guess I have to bare with that ..

Let me see, what should I begin? or how should I begin... arghh I'm out of ideas to blog now days.. Just freaking frustrated and directionless..

I guess I just need a break right now for everything... just wanna shout out and release my stress right now.. can't take it anymore...

Right here , Right now Guitar tabs~~

2008-10-26T18:35:00.000-07:00

For those guitar lovers which wanna learn this song...
enjoy~~ XD

Standard Tuning:

Intro: G Bm

Verse: G Bm (2x)

Pre: Em7 D/F#m G (2x)

Chorus: D G Bm G A (2x)

Verse: G Bm (2x)

Pre: Em7 D/F#m G (2x) A

Chorus: D G Bm G A (2x)

Bridge: E G (2x)

[Zac:]
Can you imagine, what would happen
if we could have any dream
I’d wish this moment, was ours to own it
and that it would never leave.
Then I would thank that star,
that made our wish come true (come true)
Ohh Yeahh
Cause he knows that where you are, is where I should be too.

Chorus
Right Here, Right Now
Im looking at you, and my heart loves the view
Cause you mean everything
Right Here, I promise you somehow
that tomorrow can wait, some other day to be (to be)
But right now there’s you and me

[Vanessa:]
It feels like forever, what could be better
We’ve already proved it was
That two thousand words, twenty three hours, have blended the universe.
Its gonna be, everything (everything)
in our whole world changed
(it starts changing)
and do know that when we are, (when we are)
our memory’s the same
oh no,oh no

Chorus
Right Here, Right Now (right now)
Im looking at you,and my heart loves the view
Cause you mean everything (everything)
Right Here, I promise you somehow (somehow were gonna)
That tomorrow can wait, some other day to be (to be)
But right now there’s you and me.

Bridge
Oh we know its coming (coming)
Oh its coming fast
Its always you and me,ohh yeah
so lets make this second last
make it last

Chorus
Right here,
Ooohh Right now.
Yeah im looking at you,
and my heart loves the view
Cause you mean everything

Right Here, I promise you somehow
That tomorrow can wait, some other day to be (to be)
But right now there’s you and me
You and me
you and me
Ohh You and me
But right now there’s you and me

Music is the way to express it all~~~High School Musical 3

2008-10-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

It's the best of the best High School Musical among the 3 episodes....
You all MUST watch it!!!
the music the dance .... it's just to expressive and it's so awesome and meaningful..

High School Musical 3 - Can I Have This Dance

High School Musical 3 -Right Here Right Now

Nice songs. =)

2008-09-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

Michael Bublé - Lost

Officially Missing You - Tamia (Acoustic Cover) *

Nice song man... gotta listen to both of this =)

Gossip Girl Mondays 8/7c CW

2008-09-07T09:36:00.001-07:00

random 3

2008-09-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

Sigh.....
it's already so long since the incident happen... why....why.... why.... it is still haunting me and whatever i do o just feel that the problem always come back ....

sigh.... please please please stop it please !!!!!!
i had enough!!! i'm really tired and stressed up d.....

really dunno what to do ... sigh God please....
ease my heart...
peace my soul...
i really need your help.....

random 2

2008-08-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

Time just flies....
it goes pass us so fast that some of us don't even notice it......
blink of eye it's already August.....
or to be more accurate August 24th 2008...rainy day.... the sky is so gray...... and i'm missing someone so much.....

well alot of things has been going on and off as i stated on the past post.... and things are still the same .... nothing much has changed... sometimes i just feel this kind of feeling that i should run away.... run away from all this crap... these problems that make me so confuse so conflict within my self... just hope i could just run... and run.... and just keep on running away .... without looking what's left behind.....

But i know that i can't... because there is also so many factors that i can't let go.... God, family, crsie, friends....... sigh... its just too frustrating already.... i always tot that i had a strong faith and a strong heart when problems come.... but then i realize... hey..i'm just a normal teenager.... still in the process of growing..... and i'm not tat strong as i imagine also ...LOL... sad case ..

Just today, suddenly i just tot of all the things i went through from last year till now... man.. honestly i've really change alot.... in the sense of attitude and other stuff etc etc....sometimes i still can't believe myself....Teoh Ting Jiun.... a christian...prefect???...GOOD GUY??? HOLY????? (that's what people label me as nowdays) not like that old times....jerk, sakai, retarded, useless, hopeless, lala, kokoi, cacat...etc etc....just feel so different already with my life now.... moved back staying with parents....got a good life .... a great girlfriend XD...... awesome friends!!(true friends!!!).....and i always think do i deserve all of this....

I got all of this thanks to God ... and also the people god put around me... i really learn alot from them.... and i felt i'm really bless cause i have them as my brother's and sister's in christ.... and somehow when i think of all this... just i felt... yeah things aren't that bad also... because there are still so many people around me .... and i'm sure that God wants to see me be strong and stand still and overcome every trial that God set for me..... so on that very moment i've decided not to run away anymore.... and i just pray that by faith all that is happening will be over soon enough and i've already made 80% of my move towards the problem... just pray that what ever that is gonna happen may it be God's will but not men's will.....

In addition .... i also pray for those people who are causing alot of issues for those on going incident... just hope that whatever you guys do... always check your heart and really make sure that thats what God wants you guy to say or do..... well at the end of the day whatever you all commit its for yourself to know and God bless you all.....

Even a simplest and smallest sin that we commit....
For God is just still the same...
Sin is always againts God word...
And no people is sinless or less in sinning....
we are all equal....
we are all the same...
we are all sinners....
but because of God's love for us...
we are save through Christ....
Amen....

-God is always watching.......-

random

2008-08-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the really really late post .....
coz been busy doing all kinds of stuff ....
such as SUTDY!!!! haha kinda hard to believe right ? LOL Teoh Ting Jiun studying man !!!
ya ya thats the truth .... don't feel like failing in trails and STPM haha so have to work hard lo...... must support me ya LOL!!!!

Well what can I say?? Tough month for sure... so many thing has been going on and off around me .... makes me so frustrated and tired.... arghhhhhh!!!!!!!! wish all this kind of crap can just go away itself and I will surely be super duper glad and relief...

God really tested me this period of time... is like so many things just bump out infront of me and best part of it.... all of it come together...I mean the problems.. for once I really felt so tired of all things ... and it really crush my spirit.... and now im still strugling in some parts... some can say solve already but some will take a longer period of time....

Just feel so hopeless at times....but lucky I have God by myside to go through all this and also never the less my dearest CHRISTINE LEE !!! LOL.... without her really dunno i can endure such a long period anot... thx baby love you soso much ... muax....

well so far thats all I wanna say la... dun mind coz i really dun feel like sharing my problems right now... think of it also wanna die d LOL.... till the next post la... and see when I will semangat to post again ...
Till then ... adios~~~~

Living only for God

2008-06-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

One question that always pop up in my mind now days.....
Who am i living for ?
MYSELF??
MY FAMILY??
MY GIRLFRIEND??
MY FRIENDS??
Or.....

GOD.....

It has been a draining, frustrating and tiring week for me. So many things and events, UNEXPECTED and UNFORTUNATE events happen in my life... For the 1st time in my life... .i thought i am dead for sure... Firstly, most of you know that I'm a lazy person to start with, anything i will say don't care la and etc etc.... well this kind of attitude of mind kinda bother me for quite a time... knowing that my major exam that is STPM is just around the corner only and i am still slacking around as if the exam is not gonna come for another hundred years.... well gotta do something bout it haha... but still thinking how... lame =(

Secondly, just recently my nose allergy just went into a critical state.. where my nose will just bleed all it wants and it wont stop bleeding at times until i have to stuck my nostrils will tissue paper... arghhh it so frustrating man... so i went to see the doctor right away... and the doctor just told me if the allergy goes into a more critical condition i may have to go through a nose operation ... and what he said really freaked me out... honestly it was the 1st time i got so afraid and i did all the things that the doctor told me to......

Thirdly, its something to do with my relationship life.... well been having a quite CLOSE relationship with a friend of mine.... but not bf gf ... well thing between me and her was so good all this while... we did not force or rush or anything... but then when things just gotten so good .... it just falls apart.. just like that .... (dun wanna elaborate how and what happen between me n her..*PNC*) well it kinda gimme a smack of reality somehow.... and knowing that nothing ever goes smoothly and i want it to be all the time .... well haha that my life .. what can i do bout it.....

Well what's the relation of who am i living for and what i have said? well it relates a lot... somehow... all this while i kinda abandon God in my life... though having so many problems all i do is just complain and complain... and it is just so pointless... is not like by complaining we can get back the things we want... is only by taking actions that will make a difference.... and by knowing this fact... kinda got some revelation that i wanna share with other people.....
Recently, i realize that my spiritual life isn't going that well... so i''ve decided to do something with it ... by changing my lifestyle and have God in my picture no matter what i do... but then things somehow just gotten worst.... all the problems not only did not get solve but then it turn out to be more worst.. and at one point i just felt like giving up everything.. .i mean everything.... but then something just strike me ....
Somehow i realize that... my habit of complaining comes in again, that kinda wake me up and let me realize that all this while i did nothing to make things go easy in my life... i've been bragging about it only... but after that i changed my mind set.... somehow just felt that God told me something.... life is just like the ocean... waves go up and down all the time... and sometimes it is as calm as u can ever imagine but sometimes it will be so rough.... but in all this thing... never once forget bout God.... cause all this happened under his will.. in our lives there are always outcomes the will bring us down... but in one point... we have to put God in the picture all the time...is because of him we are who we are now... and there is always a reason to the things when God just allows it to happen....

All this while I've been blinded by my emotions and also my feelings.... and because of that i couldn't see what is God doing in my life... but now i understand what he is doing.... all this trials that i'm facing, he is just trying to make me stronger and having more faith in him.. .and that's what i'm going to do.... I will not give up on God no matter what the outcomes are.... he has choose me and its my turn to show him that he choose me cause i can do it!!!
Thank you God for you are such a loving and wonderful God... I will not turn my life away from you... cause is because of you i'm here..... And i only live for You not others....

At times we may be blinded by our feelings and emotions.......
but at the end of the day...
Just remember...
God is still with us.....

" And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;
For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You."
Psalm 9:10

Have faith in God for he is a faithful God....
Just wanna encourage all that is reading this blog to think bout it ...
for christian's pray that you will have more faith in God....
because with faith even as small as a mustard seed can move mountains....
and as for those non-christian's hope will will take this opportunity to get to know this wonderful God and love and cares about all of you......

Untitled

2008-05-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt this before?
The feeling that something is so real for that moment....
The feeling that just tells you that everything will be alright.....
But... just when we turn around or blink our eyes... the happiness just fades away..
Fades away as if it was just a dream... nothing more than that.....
And when we get disappointed in our life we will just tend to isolate our self and 'emo' all around....

well we are humans...sometimes... no all the time we just can't handle our emotions that easy.... most of the time we will just tend to be 'emo' but does that really help?? It's kinda sad to know that being 'emo' only makes things worst but not bringing any benefit to any parties.

After having Christ in my life... things have change... it really did... though some may not be that obvious, but in this matter... the 'emo' matter ... things really change after i accepted Christ in my life... the way I see things in my life... the way i treat others.... the ways i do things... and also they way i handle my feelings... not to say I'm super great and awesome after become a Christian and i know how to handle things that normal person can't handle well... The truth is .. i am still a human, just same like others ... no difference... accept the part where I believe in Christ and some don't.....

having this new life... it is just too good to be true sometimes.. .but then, life is still life... we will still face normal things like other people face... but somehow knowing God is something really something awesome.... it is too awesome till I can't express it through words .....but one things for sure... Bout the 'emo' thing... so far I think I'm doing it very well... and I just wanna be here and share out my testimony... God is great ... Knowing Christ really changed my life totally.....

And if there is someone out there reading this page... Don't misunderstood me.. I'm not trying to preach out to you all and saying come on you should be a Christian .... But is just wanna encourage those people out there... those who had a though life.... being rejected... being tease and insulted.... being make fun ... feels like life is nothing but suffering... i here by encourage you all... try to take a step of faith... and get to know our God.... all i can say is I'm here because of Christ.... no because of myself.... without God I'm nothing....Just wanna share this great thing with all my friends out there....

Try knowing this God..... you might not know what great things he has planned for all of us... and I'm proud to be a Christian that for sure...

-andrew-.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOWDAYS!!!

2008-02-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

MAN I'M TOTALLY FRUSTRATED!!!!!

This is totally insane why can't people just stop all this crap!!!!
I'm gonna breakdown soon... and once I breakdown its DOOM'S DAY for those faggots out there!!!!!

Better watch out what you talk and who u messing with!!!!

Emotional breakdown!!!!

2008-02-11T19:27:00.000-08:00

Aiks... this year CNY is crap!!!!!
just took both my phones to get repair around RM60 ....
Big big rugi this month .....

Summore exam is just around the CORNER!!!. and SOMEthings are just bugging me till i can't concentrate at all in my studies..... feel so awful everyday.....

Somehow i felt like suiciding now days although is a crazy and negative thought.... but don't know why i am feeling like this this whole month.... this is so so CRAP!!!

ARRRGHHHH!!! i wanna break free from all of this.... really dislike studying.... sadly i'm force to study.. and the worst part is... i'm force to study things i am seriously not interested in.... sigh... life is just so so lame now days... and i feel weak and hopeless...

But even though i know that this is a test from god.... and so i will just give it out all and do my best as i could....
God please lead me.... guide me ...desperately seeking for your guidance.... i wanna be better and better..... so that i can become i true testimony to others!!!!!

Resolvements in life...

2007-12-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change our life?

The meassure of time is enough for life altering.....

Is it 5 years in secondary shcool ?

1 year and half in form 6 ?

Can your life change in a month?a week?or a single day?

we are always in a hurry.......

to grow up....

to go places to get ahead....

But when you are young one hour can change everything....

It's bout 5 long months since i was ready to post out another blog well here I am... to post out another of my lame o blogs haha... well maybe some will think it as interesting?? who knows ?? ha.. ha...

Trough out all this months... many things had been going back and forward in my life..well not to say that all are bad things.. but bad things often occur much more in our life's compare to good things right ?? Don't you all think so ??
Well honestly this theory is to be said false/NOT TRUE!! well to tell you guys the truth bout me... I am always an unlucky guy... thats what i was always thinking in my mind even till I was so old already... 19 years old man!! and all I do i just bragging bout my life....that sucks right ? ha.. ha..

When i come to pone point that i was so depress... well something miracle just happen in front of me... Here's some simple testimony bout myself... XD..

It happened quite a while ago... last year that is ...well from the previous blog I bet you guys know I'm a very lame person ha.. ha.. to be honest i was so arrogant and cocky till one point where the whole people in school just eventually started to anti me... and THAT was like the end of the earth for me... imagine.... 90% people in school anti you... the rest just don't bother only... well thats so hard for me ... that time i even think of not going to school .. because it is so so embarrassing and and also frustrating... but somehow from nowhere ... there was a friend of mine that just gave me 1 sentence of prayer..
*I was not a christian back then... so I did not quite believe what my friend told me... but I was in a super frustrating moment that time....so I've decided to pray for a 1st time in my life as a free thinker...*
Well i spend bout one hour to pray for my problems before i went to sleep...well eventually the next day i went back to school as usual...well that time I realised all those people who antied me .. did not even say a bad thing bout me tat day!!! well then as time passes on.... the problem just became smaller and smaller and eventually nobody bring out that matter again... well it was super amazing!!

Well... since then i started to go church with my friends... but that time it was still new to me so i felt really awkward .. and some point when i was in church i was wondering .. why are they so anxious to pray and worship god.... and somehow i freak out when i see how they pray.....(no offence XD) well as time passes.... all came into an amazing plan of god's to me... I accepted christ after i went church about 4 times.... that time i was still kinda blurry and was keep on wondering ... am i making a big mistake.... eventually this no a big mistake at all in fact it was a great decision that i made for my life....

Life is full of unexpected events... but not all of the events are bad... sometimes we may feel bad of felt so miserable and depressed because of our life and the problems that we are facing... but till the end... each and every problem will has its own way to be solve... if we try hard enough to work for it...We should never give up in our life no matter what... God provide us with life.... and that we shall not waste our life by just giving up and keep on depressing but not trying to do anything to overcome it..... we should appreciate life even more and try to life a live that we are destine to, but not by giving up on life....

That's the resolve I've gotten after I accepted christ and realised waht I've been doing with my life for all this time... But now I'm a better person ( at least that's how I think XD) many events that I've been through and most of them aren't good.... but I know god loves us all and all of this is under his wonderful planning.....

Life is the longest journey men ever walk...
But what lies on the finishing line of this journey??
is it a lifetime regretment?
or is it a happy ever after ending...
sadly to say nobody knows the answer to this....
the only way to find out is to walk this journey with courage...
never let the smallest things in our life's take us down....
take all problems given to us as a test...
a test of faith toward god and our life......
and that we will survive and live on ...

and someday in the future, when we think back our history ... we will feel proud of it ...
because we did not give up on life but live it to the fullest.......

To judge or to be judge.....2nd chance

2007-08-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

It has been a harsh month for me ...... many things happend within these few weeks..... it can be said its the hardest part of time i had been throught so far.....but life is like that, so many things can just happend just like that without us noticing it.

Just recently my dearest uncle past away, well it was themost sad time i had so far.... but i know it has already past so i still have to move on as time flows....Besides that i am facing many problems in school also.... kinda frustrated now actually...

It seems that people still judge me as the 'old' me... kinda sad when i realise that.... actually i really don't understand why do people dislike me so much.... maybe they just don't know who am i really.... well who knows?? Since i started schooling since form 1..people often look down at me... laugh at me, tease me, insult me, bully me.... but there is always one thing playing in my mind... WHY ME BUT NOT THE OTHERS??maybe this is what they called face problem gua?? who knows?

After all these events that i had been through somehow i manage to survive and came back to the same old place to study form6 .... for me form6 is a new beginnig for me... the day 1 step in form 6 i was determined to change all my bad habbits and try to become a better person each and every moment.... i am trying very hard .... and i realise life is so meaningful when there is resposible taken up to be done.... many things i had learn through out these past few months..... becomeing more resposible, tolerate, more paitient, more self motivating, and also i learn how to respect others.... it has been an amazing journey so far.... but yet there is still many problems occuring around me... well thats what life is all about isn't it ?

Well something i realise through out these few months.... no matter how youhad change sometimes people just can't accept the fact that we had already change... they will always judge us by the past but not the present.... dand it felt awful for me when i found out of this... seriously i don't know how to react when i realise there are still people that havent change thier ways of judging me..... they still see me as the form 5 boy that cause alot of trouble, lazy and always do stupids that kind of person.... well if anyone who know me well reading mty blog.... i just wanna say that... i am really really trying hard to change the past me andbecome a better person all the time.... and all i request is just a 2nd chance for me..... a chance to proove myself worthy of being a leader... thats all.... the reason i step up and became the president of interact club is not because of pride or fame..... all i wanted is just to make the club better .... and bring back the glory of the club... yet i am still getting weak supporting from the members.... and i heard that there are some of them boycotting me sommore....that moment i felt very awful.... i try so hard to fight and make the club better but i never get full supprot from the members instead they will just backstab me from behind.... that feeling sucks.. alot.... for all this while i am doin my best and i just hope for a 2nd chance to proove that i am worthy... beside that i also wanna proove to the others that people do change.....

Well at least i know... i had change alot since the last time..... and i am learing step by step how to be a better leader, student and also a better person for all my friend....The past of mine is so dark and messy... someday i really wish i could get out from my past andbecome a better person... and all people will accept me and sees me as normal person...like others.....well seriously i don't know what i've done to make so many ppl misjudge me... but i am very sure that i am try my best tochange d.... so i really really hope people will giv me a 2nd chance to make things right...... and proove that i am a worthy person in handling things....
so please give me a second chance....

Seeking for forgiveness.....

2007-08-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

I bet each and every people will do something wrong sometimes.... no matter in an intentional way or not....the point is... we all will make mistakes.....

Yesterday something happend between me and her..... we just broke up again 2 days ago... and that was the final decision made by her and also me.... but the reason for broke up as you guys know ..... is just like too hard for me to accept somehow..... and we argue bout that many times already.... and i said something very very awfull when i was angry that time... i know although that time i was angry... but i should control my anger and not to blast all my feeling on her... that make it so unfair to her.....i regret for what i've said.. but its too late to pull back my words already....

then the next incident happend yesterday night.... because my feelings that time was still kinda unstable .... i boycott her the whole night during the drama pratice and did not talk to her..... besides that i also showed her the unhappy looks like she had done something reeally bad to me.... and i know that is very bad and i think i hurt her very much that time... beside that i think she is very disapointed on me already... for all the time the boy she think i good person... did something that awful to her.... deeply in my heart i felt very guilty......

i can't just stop thinking bout what happend last night..... i am very regret for what i've done to her... i really do... i really hoped for her to stand infront of me now to slap me... scold me ... curse me..... that i think will make me feel batter .... because what i did last night was very cruel even to a girl that broke up with me..... i should not had followed my emotions and do all those stupid retarded stuff..... i am really really sorry wfor what i did.... but now... she don't wanna talk to me already... won't reply my calls, smses......and that makes me felt more worst......

But now, i don't think it matters anymore.... because i think she is angry with me already.... won't talk to me also....i don't care if she is angry to me or hate me... all i wanted is just for her to forgive me...... forgive me for my actions.......what i've said what i've done.... i know nothing will change your mind even though how many time of sorry i said... but please i wish and beg for your forgiveness..... please forgive me even if it takes 1 yea, 2 year, 3 year and more..... i jsut hope someday you will forgive me.... i reallydo... other than that... i don't hope for anything more... those things i said i know is harsh a cruel and i still spill it out..... i felt sorry and regret that moment all the time...... please regret me for my childish action....

sorry is all that i've to say now.... last night after that... iwent out with my other friends..... and that time i think alot bout what i've done.... and i realise what i've done all this time was wrong......those stupid actions.....stupid words that i've.... i just can't stop blaming myself until the day you forgive me....... but even youdon't forgive me at least please.... please scold me, slap me , hit me , cruse me....... that will make me feel better .... as long as i know what is in your mind now.... don't hold your sad feeling bout me inside ur heart..... is not worth it to be sad about A JERK like me......

please if you are reading my post...... give me some respons.... i don't mind if it is positive or negative i jsut hope you will forgive me...... i am sorry.......

Desparation only leads to regretments

2007-08-03T04:34:00.000-07:00

What does it takes to fulfill our hearts desire?? Do we humans feel satisfy when we obtain or achieve our hearts desire? The answer is definitely NO!!! N...O... NO!!! We human are always not satisfy about all sort of things.... our school... our studies... our teachers... our friends.... our parents... and the most important, our life..... All around the world, there are many people who are fated more worse then our life's.... people like those which lived in poor countries.. war happening .. people starving.... but yet the reality is, compare us with them we are much much lucky than them, but somehow people just don't understand this fact and bragging about their miserable life's..... Our desire for more and more just can't stop... the greediness of human heart can't be kill or demolish..... we can only control the greediness of our human nature... and that i can say it is not easy at all....temptations are all around us.... who else in this world can be sure to say that they are not greedy????

People who has strong heart desire can also be known as desperate in the not so nice way.... felt kinda sorry to say so.....These people will intend to do all they can just to reach their goals....even by betraying their most trustable friends.....These are those people which are normally hated by people.... After all, i was once called a desperado... sigh.... but things have change.. i am no longer the old me... and now people recognize me as another person....as in a better person.... so i think is good to resolve and keep on improving.... Well sometime you can't blame those kind of people... because they wanted people to recognize their existence... so they try many things just to gt attention from others... i am once like that so i really understand their desperation... but if those desperation for power and also status.... i think they should really change their mind.... people will often choose you as a leader when you prove to them you are capable of handling things nicely.... so don't use other way to reach your goal.... always use the original way .. that's is hardworking and responsibility.... you can succeed with applying these values within you..... we can control our desire for all kinds of things if we try had enough to make it right....for me i think i am capable of doing these except for love.....

To be honest.... i am not a person who is very good in this kind of things... although i had been through this kind of things for many times but..... i am still very stubborn when it comes to this matter..... actually i myself also don't know why am i so stubborn in this kind of stuff..... maybe because i am always trusting people too easily... letting them budge in to my life very easy.... well i am those person which trust the friends very much.... because for me friendship is very important to me..... on the other hand finding some that i love and loves me is also very important.... because for me that's is the person that i will trust most beside my best friends.......or on the other hand you guys can say that i am a desperado or whatever..... i don't mind... because i am really desparate for love... maybe because i am lack of love since i was born.... not living with my parents... my parents never cared much about me....only provideme in financial support... and that is also limited to a very small amount...... i still have to work part time sometimes to earn moremoney to support my life..... is not easy being a teenager like me.... well ithink is because i can't get the love i should get from my family so i tried to get those feelings from another person....but everytime i triedto open up for the people i love.... it all ended up in an unwanted way....till now.... i am already losing much faith i have to put my trust into other people...and those people just keep on disapointing me..... its really sad.. getting disapointment again and again...... just can't hold back my feelings already... i am already on my limits ......

Last time i mention my broke up with my girlfriend...... well apparently we manage to get back to gether... but it was jsut a veryshort period of time.... the both of us broke up for real already..... and i can't do anything besides trying to comfort myself... making myself feel better....but the feeling is still as worse as ever.... well imagine you get dissapointed by the girl 2 times.... and the same reason is used..... well is not easy to handle it...... for sure..... and now the feeling of love has became hatred, anger, jealousy, sadness and a lilbit of love only....i kept on doin wrong things when i see her.... doing stupid emotions acting very childish everytime i see her... but that time i was just blinded by my sadness of getting disapointment...well as time goes on... ifelt that there is nth i can really do already... other than hoping she will be happy in the future... now all i need is her forgiveness..... i hope when she see this she will forgive me... for all the childish and stupid actions that i've made......i just hope that she will forgive me... and i won't bother her anymore.... now and forever... me and her has nothing related between each other already.... she is she i am still myself.... thats all i can say..... nth more....somehow now... i really need her forgiveness so that i can really start to move on without her..... if she does not... i will still be trap in the guilt i've commited.... and till then i am still feeling guilty each and every moment....... so please if you are reading to my blog... forgive me..... deeply in my heart i really felt sorry......i mean it.........

Desperation always leads people to do thins that is totally out of mind...... and make their life misserable... including myself i am like that.... just can't forgive myself now.....so i hoped for the people out there that read my blog... will know that sometimes.. its really a wise choise to let go... eventhough is the most harsh and hardest choise...... letting go will be the wises choise ....only with letting go we can free ourselfs from thoes frustration and totally pain memories of our's.....by letting go... all of the misseries that each sides holds will also fade away as time passes..... so letting go is the best choise...... it took me a very very long time to resolve to this choise.... lots of pointless and harmfull words i had said to her... and i still regret it.... sometimes i will wish for the time to turn back and let me fix the harm that i've done.... making a good girl like her suffer through this is just too unfair for her already.... i just hope i can take away all her pain and suffer now... and put it on to me... at least she will gain happiness and live happily without having those misserable memories.... i could do anything just to let her had a nice life.... away from this painful memories.... ia msorrry again for leading you into this .... i really do.. just i hope you will forgive me and let me make it up to you..... and then i won't bother you anymore....

Some people said once that life is too short.....

Many things that we wish to do but ended up not doing it.....

Regretments and disapointments will come upon all the time.....

But we should not let those feelings crush us down......

Learn from mistakes that we've commited and resolve from it....

though is not easy....

but the results of resolving thorugh our mistakes will made a large difference to our life's...

so don't look back even a second...

never ever think that is too late to change.....

because there is always a second chance for all of us......

The past is already been decided.....

But the future hasn't..... there is always a light in every darkness.... to lighthen us and guide us trough the right path.....

so don't give up no matter what the out comes are....... remember that......

The most unexpected moments in my life......

2007-07-29T00:37:00.000-07:00

George Bernard Shaw once wrote, "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it." "

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely.

Have you ever felt the feeling of losing yourself into the deepest darkness.... the feeling that make you feel that is end of the world... and you can't do anything to make is alright... the person you loved most left you not because of she/he hated or got dissapointed by you... instead they left you because of the reason : I" don't think i am good enough for you... you treated me so well yet i don't think i love you enough... and that is unfair to you.... so i think we should be apart before both of us really regret... "

These word mention by that person... do you think the person act is right? or is the person wrong? well in my view.. there is no right or wrong within these sentences..... is the matter how you gonna face the fact, the truth that has been told to you.... sadly for me .... i can't think of anything or how to react when this situation comes to me.....

It happend jsut yesterday, when all things were goin well between me and the girl i've always love and cherish with my heart and soul......I love that girl so much... maybe most of you think i am crapping because i am just a teenagaer that just fell in love yet i don't understand what is love......well i dare to say so i am know what is love... and i know the pain the burden that people carried when they love someone....well as many people say this before " love can be sweet sometimes, but it can be bitter most of the times." Okay back to my story.....the girl with me... we had nothing dealing with the relationship we had all along.... it was very good indeed.. and many memorable moments we been through.... and i had always had that in my mind... she was the girl i am meant to be with... i will love her with all i can ... make her happy when she is sad... lend her my shoulders when she need to cry.... listen to her when she needs to talk..... be with her when she feels lonely.... well at least that's what i had in mind and i am willing to do those things for her......but thing never ever gone smooth in my life....

The girl was kinda moody that day, and i tought she had something to worry since the exams is just around the corner...I tried to ask her many times what's the problem because i just can't bare to see her feel like that... well things gone worse after i ask her what the problem she was occuring.... at last she told me what she had in mind... that time i was shocked.. she wanted to break up with me... that time my mind was suddenly blank.. i can't think of anything that time.... for a sudden i was stunned and did not even react in the way i should be.....

I asked for the reason why she said that... then she told me the reason: "you treated me well and love me very much, but i am not sure that i loved you anot... i felt unfair to you.... so i think we should be apart for now... sorry..."Those words are like knife stabbing through my heart and going thorough my body.....that moment i am really lost... for all the time the girl i love and shared all the moments with....SHE IS GONE.....out from my life already.... i was so sad...and for the first time in many years....i cried out... i really cried out ..... each and every tears full of sorrow and sadness..... pain that i can't affort to hold back.... i bacame so weak at the moment....it was the most awfull moment in my life.....

Well till now my feeling are still like that... empty, sorrow, sad cause nothing i can do to make her change her mind...... she told me to give her a month to let her think nicely.... does she love me anot.....i had no choise but to respect her decisions......

Life is really unexpected do they?? Yesterday morning i was a happy guy with the girl i love and care....and the night i am lonely .... holding on my sadness, the pain the cut throughs my heart and feeling the world is meaningless without the person you love....knowing that she lose faith not because of you but herself, knowing that she is sad and you can't be there for her...... that hurts more than ever....

Till now i am still wondering is this the truth of is it just another bad dream..... for all the moments we shared together... i don't think that she did not love me at all..... i can feel her love everytime we were together... the promises we made... it meant something.. do they or do they don't? the answer lies with in her now.... And i am trembleling at a corner crying without tears... hoping and wish for her answer after 1 month is the answer i desparately wanted to hear..... isn't that very silly?? A teenager talking bout sadness, pain, sorrow feelings.....that maybe right... i may be silly but that's how i feel now.... my heart is so empty.....is like an important piece of puzzle in my heart had gone lost....And i can't do anything at all....

If she is looking at this post... i wanted to let her know.... without her support for all this time.... i won't get as far as i can now.....from a not so good human, transforming into a better person.... i became who i am now because of her... she motivate me when i fell down, when all the bad things happend to me, she is always there to help me go thourgh those darktimes.... i owe her alot... and all i can do now i just sitting at the corner and try to be strong.....this is just too hard for me......i can't go on already.... hopefully time will do some magic on me....

For all the time.... i a simple thing from her... nothing much....

I did not wish for anything much from her... i just wanted her to love me.....

Well this time i had really lost me heart's desire....what should i do?resolve and be strong or i can just give up my life for this thing... well between these 2 choises... i can't choose either one of them..... cause i can't give up my life just like that... yet i can't hold on my feelings......and this feeling will continue till the day..... the day that will decide all once and for all....

but no matter what outcomes... the feelings for her.. no one can replace that... no one can be better than her in my heart forever......

A new Begining

2007-05-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

well is my first time ever since i had decided to manage something seriously for these past few years...and one of the thing is managing my blog!!!!
It has been so long since i touch this place where i can freely write out all the things that i felt n express it out to all my friends.. i think i am gonna be quite good in handling this thingy... so i hope to get supprot form my friends out side...

*an important information i am gonna refreash my friends list soon so if i deleted some of you guys please forgive me... cause from now on my friend list will onli consist of people that really wanna make friends with me and not just simply add onli.... hope you all will understand*
a new begining eh? sound very exciting for me when i first tought of that... but to tell the truth it does really makes me more energetic and made my life more meaningfull somehow... well the power of words are very incredible ain't that correct ? haha....
so some of you must be wondering out there.. a guy like ting jiun will ever write blogs n express his opinion and also his experience and shared it with people??? hah!! thats quite imposible and unbelievable isn't it ? well in fact i am really doin it already, well hope you guys don;t ask why cause even myself can;t figure out why!!! Maybe i just wanted to make my life more meaningful??? MAYBE la hahaha.... but i guess nothing can be consider too late if you try hard to work for it right ??
Is already 6 years i study at St. Micheal's Institutiion.... many things happend during these period.. although some of those events are so harsh and cruel but i can be so sure to say that i am growing mature and more mature thorugh these experience...... Well tihs year i am studying in form6 already.... at the begining it was quite a sad thing for me.. because i did not really wanted to join form6 in the other hand i wanted to go college and study with my so called best friends... haha..But after i join form6 i realize that form6 in SMI wasn't that bad also.... i find it quite interesting and fun... for the first time i really liked to go to school... ain't that a miracle??? haha....
well i join the drama acting this year...is a really brave and proud thing for me because i was used to be the shy shy guy among all my friends... but i took the courage and take part in the audition and got choosen as one the cast in the school drama... although is not the main character or the charcter that i hoped for but overall its was quite fine.....at least i can proove to people even a shy guy can be brave sometimes....school only started 2 weeks but i am already taking part in all kinds of activities... well none of my friends and family predicted that also....is a very fresh experience for me also....so i think this new begining in my life sure will turn up to be a very interesting one....well who knows ??? hahaha....
so this will be the starting for my new life and also my blogging....i hope all my friends outside there will support me always no matter what kind of way you guys are gonna do that.....so thats all for now.....
-ting jiun-
All people has unwanted memories,Don't let them haunt the presence you,Stay strong!!!Overcome it!!!!!And live on with a heart that has no.......Regrets..............