True Servanthood..

"But I am among you as one who serves."

Luke 22:27

In todays scripture we might get a little bit idea of where I'm gonna head today. Today I'm gonna discuss about servanthood. How a Christian should react when we are in a ministry.

Due to this era's teaching, leadership has been taught in a very different perspective. We always take leader as someone which is of in full control and also full of authority. Leaders now a days are to govern everything that they could, control everything that they could to lead the group or an organization towards certain target. Truly in some point this kind of leadership is effective in handling certain situation . But, this is not of what God meant as a mark of a good leader. Instead, Jesus himself had portray a very good view on what a mark of a true leader should be like.

Do you know why leaders are elected to become leaders? And who is the ultimate leader that allow their election to be done? In ultimately, leaders are elected to guide and lead us in our life's. In church leaders are like pastors, church elder, youth leader and so on. These are the people that is anointed by God himself so that they will help God in God's ministry by guiding new Christians and also teaching them how to be a true disciple so that in the future they can also be good Christians leaders that will continue on God's work on earth. But what is it should a leader having rather than all that worldly leadership quality that we always see so often in around us?

It is the servanthood quality that God is trying to imply to us. When Jesus came down to earth and at the age he started His ministry, Jesus portrayed a very good servanthood example to all of us. Instead of coming down from the heaven and declare His is God Almighty and send fear and wraith to the people, Jesus He walk a righteous life during His times on earth. He was always there to care about others more than Himself. Jesus was never self centered and He was always going around serving people and helping people with a humble heart of a servant. He does not take pride in His works but yet He give all the glory back to the Father in heaven.

This is the mark of a true leader, serving others that are in need rather than just command and codenamed those who did wrong. But sadly to say, in this world today there are Churches that misinterpreter the meaning of what is a good leader. Some of the Church leader will often take advantage of their authority as a leader and put words of not from God just for the purpose of deceiving the other believers to gain benefits from it. This is a very sad fact to be know.

Because what ever we do in earth is always under God's will and God's plan Himself. And definitely we have NO rights AT ALL to even change whatever God wants to tell us to do. Because mens heart a always deceitful and we can't make the right choice or say the right things without God's guidance and advise.

Philippians 2:5-11

⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

⁶Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

⁷but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

⁸And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death—

even death on a cross!

⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Through this passage we can clearly see how God expects and want a leader or a servant of God should be. Ultimately Jesus is a perfect example of a true leader. A leader that came down in flesh and walk the earth to show the true and the right way for all of us,

WE just need to remember and remind ourself all the time, there is nothing to be claim for ourself when we did something for God. Because we could've never did it without God's help and God's love for us. All the glory goes back to God which at the very beginning that had forgiven us for our sins and mold us to be who we are now. SO there IS NOTHING for us to claim glory of. We must always remember our role are as servants of God on earth. Regardless we are leaders of churches of just leaders of other things also. We might be the one telling them what to do, but the wisdom to leading them comes from God ultimately. No men can do and make the right choice correctly just by follow their own intuition but not God's advice and guidance.

God should always be the centered of everything, so that we wont take the glory to ourself but to God.

So may we know our true roles on earth are as God's servants but not of leaders that rule others based on our own knowledge. God is the center of everything and only God Himself can provide the right choice and what is the best choice for all of us. All we need to do is to obey God's will and follow the footstep of Jesus so that we can be more and more of a servant leader to the others rather than a worldly leader.

A believer or a follower?

'Why do you call me, " Lord, Lord,"and do not do what I say?'

Luke 6:46

Well I guess this is a very common thing that we as modern Christian are facing today. Proclaiming that we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ but do not actions to show our Love to God. It is true that we are saved by God's grace as long as we repent, confess our sins and believe the Jesus is the only way to God's kingdom. But, what is there to proclaim about when all that is done is just saying it out. What is faith without actions? Is it still call faith? when we face problems in our life's and we just complain that things are just so hard to go through it and most of the time we will just give up and sulk and 'emo' at the corner.

Was talking to a friend today about hard times. hard times as in trials that we as Christian will go through. One thing that we told me made me think a lot, he said,"Just compare ourself with the other Christians that is in those country where Christianity is banned and those who believe in the Lord are persecuted and tortured. Yet their faith is still unto the Lord regardless of what situation they are facing." That really made me realize how childish I had been all this while. Dwelling on what has been done wrong and just holding on to that feeling thinking bout it all the time, yet actions to overcome it are very limited. In fact those other Christians out there are suffering more than us yet their faith in the Lord is so strong. What bout myself? what bout some of us here ? Sometimes is just the slightest thing that God ask us to give up or just leave behind for now but yet we are already so heave hearted to just let it go. But can't be blame since we are all humans.

We can always be a believer, but with that 'insubordination' heart of ours we can never be a good disciple, and a good follower. At the end of the day we will be caught in between our desire and also God's plans for us. It was never a bed of roses walking a Christian life style, but with God by our side, there will be a calm and peace feeling even though when we are in totally deep shit. Because God heal the broken hearted and through Him everything will can be done accordingly to His will.

We as just humans always put God's capability into a small box, limiting our understanding bout Him. But He is God, the one and only God Almighty, the one that create the heavens and earth, the breath life into us giving us life. God is just so awesome and great, nothing is IMPOSSIBLE for Him. SO rather than thinking that God why this, why that, why don't we start focusing on," God just tell me what is need to be done."

"But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

Luke 6:49

We can always say how much we love God and how much we have faith in Him, but all will be tested when the real torrent structs our lives. Can we act accordingly to the word of God? or we just dwell and just stay on the very spot thinking nothing be be done no more? It was never easy, 100% bout it, that's why God sent Holy Spirits to help us and guide us through these hard times, and all we need to do is just to be more sensitive to His voice.

As what was written in the book of Job.

He replied," You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Job 2:10

When God bless us we will always say how good He is, but when hard times approaches can we still say the same? But God is of same and will never change, we just need to remember that no matter what hard things that hit us God wouldn't allowed it if we can't handle it and definitely there will be a solid reason why God allowed it to happen. For God's plans are always to bless us but not to bring harm to us. We just need to remember that.

So may we be more of a follow rather than just a believer. Because God is always good and never ever His plans is to bring harm to us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Follow the right leader..

' ..... you have only one Master and you are all brothers,'

Matthew 23:8

As we know so well in this world, we are given free will to do things we want to, to make choices that we want to as long as it is suitable for the society to accept and also ethical. But given free will yet we are still bound by stuff like emotions, feelings, and other factors that will lead us to make choices based on those reasons. But other than that what is the other factor that will cause us to make different choices that we should have made in our life's ?

Leaders...

Whether you like it or not, our life is always control by someone or something. Just for example, our parents ? our friends ? money ? I bet you are thinking that even though I have friends but I still make my own decisions. But well if you observed carefully in a group of friends there will be always prune to have one acting as a leader suggesting stuff to do and so and basically he/she will have more influence in the group. Take it this way the leader that I'm portraying here is someone or something that will lead our life's towards different endings that God may want us to be.

Take another example money? Money is definitely another leader in most of the people now a days. People are willing to work for extra hours, doing all sort kinds of things including backstabbing or lying even so to gain money. Which lead to a ungodly life.But all in all there is only one leader that can lead us to the right path, which is Jesus Christ !!!

Worldly people might say why Jesus? He is just another somebody that got nail on the cross for spreading His religion. But the truth is we know that's wrong. Jesus is the ultimate leader that we should follow. Why?

(1) He is God.
(2) Even as men on earth we walk His life sinless and faithful to the Lord.
(3) He is so pure, yet he is known as 'Friend of sinners'
(4) He loves everyone of us.

There are just too many aspect to say that Jesus IS our leader and the leader that we should really follow. As my personal experience, a lot of times I had been focusing on other stuff which means I put other as my leader more than Him. My friends, my computer, my girlfriend and etc.. And guess what, when I kept on doing this everything that I though it was so perfectly happening just falls apart and my attitude just tend to get back to how I used to be before becoming a follower of Christ.

See, God is so important in our lives. We can always say that we can have our self control, but hey how long can you last all by yourself? At the end of the day you will just fail and fall back of square one. I dare say that we cannot ever control our decision and emotions nicely without God in our lives. He is the one that is doing the magic in our life's. The Holy Spirit in us gives us the conviction to follow whatever God ask us to do, and without it we will just fall back to where we started after being tempted and so on.

It's never easy following Christ's footstep, even He Himself was persecuted and was nail on the cross. But because of Jesus, it gave us hope. Jesus came down as full men to walk the word of God among us and showed us that we can be better and better and more like Him if we just try hard enough and be faithful to God. And through Jesus we are all saved.

Jesus answered," I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

John 14:6

Jesus is the only way for us to return back to God's kingdom. And this is the ultimate fulfillment in our lives but not by holding on to other worldly stuff that you can't take away after you've died. And as to be a disciple of Christ we have to 1st die to our old self and follow Him as a new creation.

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

Matthew 16:24-25

So as what the bible say, we can only find full purpose in our life through Jesus once we deny ourself. Which means of letting go all those that we shouldn't hold on to. So that our hearts can concentrate on God Himself only.

May we just learn more and more on how to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ, and we will put down our lives and take up the cross and follow Jesus. Cause he is the only way.

Selfcontrol..

It's the third day since that 'thing' happen, it still so fresh in my mind and just can't stop thinking bout it.

But well what can I do, I screw things up so I have to bear this feelings myself. Can't blame anyone other than myself.

I really have to stop dwelling in this matter, cause I can see the potential of me getting worse but not getting better in terms of emotion and also spiritual growth. Talked and pray to God quite often these few days. Well desperate I guess LOL... sorry Lord.

Through out this days just makes me more closer to God again because I started depending unto Him again rather doing my own stuff. Well what can I say God is great, I can say without Him in my life I think I wouldn't be blogging even right now. Like what she says all the time, you do what is right in God's eyes, don't hurt God and don't make people around you hurt also. So God just wanna thank you for helping me through this hardtimes though I'm still feeling it but God I know that you will restore everything back to how it was in no time. I have faith in you.

Today went out with my old school friends, Luke, Tyrael, and Simon. Well jsut share how I felt to them and I learned sometime that is quite correct. I ask Luke about how did you overcome all this sadness and pain when you had your hard times last time. And he spontaneously told me just control your emotions. Don't let you feelings control you.

Well I guess he is right, we humans are given the privileged of free will, but with this free will hardly we can just do the right things in our life. We are always bounded by our emotions, pain, regrets, temptations, frustrations... it made me think a lot at that point. I was too immature to handle what I was given, all I did was just by following my emotion which see what happen now. And I finally realize most of the time, right decisions are always hard to made.

I guess that's why me need Jesus in our life's so help guide us to make the correct choices in our life's.

Without Him guiding our way, all I can say is we are definitely SCREWED!!!

Life is just of too much of choices to be made and some of them are very hard. But with God guiding us through, we definitely know what is the right thing to do. And know I know why are you convicted to do so also. Forgive me for I did not listen to you and ended up with all this unwanted negative events.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

For God won't hurt us or just lead us to a dead end. His love covers everything.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7

God Is Love, and all in all His love never fails, so I will just trust in Him even in the most impossible moments. Because God can make it possible. What ever is install for me in the future, I will just trust in the Lord that what He tells me to do. We as always will always fall back into sin but by God's grace and Love I'm sure that we can be a better creation day by day.

May we have the strength to be more discipline and be more attentive unto God's word for us. For God Himself loves us so much and His love never fails.....

By faith I'm moved....

Sorry...

Its 4.11 a.m. and I am still awake. Cool! Looks like I'm not gonna have any early sleeps for this whole week. But well, I choose to be like this so can't complain bout it.

Was meditating and praying to God just now, these few days is just too much of a havoc for me. Well not that people wrong me, but I've wrong someone and hurt the person so deeply. And the person is my Closest best friend. Still can't get over with the stupid things that I did to her. And I just can't forgive myself and so.

It just makes me think a lot, really a lot. What if I never do this, what if I never said that, my mind is just so full so misery, frustration, pain, self disappointment. Just couldn't forgive myself. And kept calling her, trying to phone her, msn, sms, any means way jsut to let her know that I'm sorry but just couldn't get a reach of her. Well definitely I guess, who will just talk to someone that just wrong you so so badly just right away. But well, I just could sit still so I tried to reach to her to make sure that she is okay, but responds seems to be I still don't wanna talk to you.

Well I understand how she is feeling now, and didn't really force her to say anything, except making sure that she is okay and safe. Just hope that I could just prove to her that I will change and mend things up, and hopefully our friendship wont be just a mere history after this incident.
i will just do my best in fixing and patching everything up.

As I was talking to God just, just realize I'm really an ultimate douche bag! All the things that I did to her was totally unacceptable and I kept on disappointing her every time. But God just reminded me this verse.

John 15:5,8

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

And I realize all this while I'm just doing things my way, my style by not caring about how other felt. I didn't put myself in her shoe all this while hopping that she will just follow whatever I say. This very moment I knew that I really did something ultimately wrong and damaging towards the friendship. I was over controlled by my emotions all the time rather than follow what God told me in my heart all the time. Until things as such happen, and all I can do is just cry over spill milk and just ponder upon my mistakes.

In a way, it shows that I'm really immature to handle these relationship stuff yet. So I guess what Winson and she say was right. is because of my immaturity that God had taken all this away from me because He know that I will make things worse. In fact I already did by not listening to Him. Is of that in obidience and also self-centered act that leads me to destruction. And now I learn that sometimes or most of the times we just can't do things our way and not caring bout what others felt. I'm very sorry for hurting you my dear friend. Hope you will really forgive me.

God must always be the center of everything, all in all without God we are not capable of doing anything especially when it comes to communicating and interacting with one another. God never ever make things hard for us, is just our stubbornness that leads us to this harshness. Even right now, my mind is still having the thoughts of I wish I followed what God ask me to do instead of trying to fix the problem myself, and because of my silliness I might have already lost a close friend that I cherish so much. God I'm really sorry for being such a stubborn person and not listening to what you say and always take pride in my way to solve the problems. I will learn how to be more sensitive to your words even more next time.

As for my friend that I've hurt, If you're reading this just hope that you will forgive me although I've said it like a lot of time and disappoint you a lot of times also. I'm sorry that I disobeyed God and ruined our relationship. Just hope that there will be a day where me n you can just sit down and talk and spend time like we used to do. I really miss those days that when we had no single argument at all. Really hope for that day to come. But now, I will just concentrate on my spiritual growth and also my character building and same time wait for you to accept me back. By God's grace and Love I'm sure you and I can go through and make it to the vision that you see.

Till then, just take care of yourself. I will just be around the corner waiting for you. And if you need me just text me or call me, I will be there right away. Again, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Forgive me..

It hurts...
I know that.. I know sorry means nothing....
Words can't patch anything up at all...
But time will show..
I will prove it to you no matter what....
Persevere I will be...
Even when I fall....
I will still stand up and prove it to you...
This is how I'm gonna show my affection to you..
. Will be here for you...
Now, always, forever....

Please forgive me...
I'm sorry....


Love you....
Now, always, forever...

Faith...

As painful as it is...

This is what you call life...

If this process....

We strive....

Towards something that is always unseen and unsure by us....

And that we call as.....

Faith....

Faith, I can say that this is a very heavy word to be use to describe an individual's believes. When you say that you have faith, means you really believe in that something that you would just put everything every hope into it. Strong word indeed I can say.

So how do we apply this 'faith' that we always mention in our life's ? We do often hear this ....

"I have faith in you..."

"Please trust me, have faith in me..."

"Where is your faith?"

Well I do admit I say this a lot of times, indeed very a lot I can say. Well my point is, do we really know what does it mean by really having faith in a certain matter?

All this while, I thought that I had so much faith in the Lord and nothing could have stumble my faith towards him, and my faith will just kept on rising and rising. But well, God see the pride in me that I claimed that I have so much faith that I can withstand all sorts of trials and temptation. But 2 days ago, God proved me so wrong that my faith is just that small.

Something happen 2 days ago that really struck me back into my old self, full of hatred, anger, sadness, displease, disappointments, frustration, irrationality, I just could get my mind straight at all for the very 1st time since I became a Christian. All I can say is my faith was tested till the max, and I failed it ultimately. And for the past few days its was just complaining, blaming, on others why this things happen rather than by admitting my own faults and my own weaknesses that cause such things to occur. I was being so selfish and self centered. Without knowing what is my fault I kept continuing doing all these negative stuff such as thinking of ways to suicide, inflicting wounds and scars on myself. To think back of what I did, I'm really ashamed of myself. So much for someone that claim that he has so much faith compare to others. Yet, I'm just a sore loser like everyone else. Just can't admit my fault and moved on and try to change it rather all I do is just sobbing bout it and complaining it again and again.

It really made me think a lot, is this the so called 'faith' that I said I have? If that's the case, is just the same as faithless. Because what is faith without actions? It means nothing to God, not even a bit. Was talking to my best friend just now, she help me realize a lot of stuff, bout what I should've done instead of weapping and sobbing over spill milk. All I can do now is to take up my cross again and keep on improving until I become better and better. And what she say was right, I can always advise her about become a faithful follower in Christ, but I am not able to walk my talk. That makes me no difference from others because all I know is just talking and boasting just like an empty tin. As loud as it can sound but the inner is empty.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7

Then she show me this verse, I realize how a jerk I am and how stupid I am to do all this stuff. God's Love is never failing even though I had fail him so much not only this time but many times. But all I did was just complain while God did not even utter a single word when I've sinned so much. I'm sorry Lord, sorry for acting as such, and I'm sorry for acting like this in front of all the people that care bout me through out this period of time. I'm deeply sorry.

If God can love me as so graceful and merciful, I will do my best not to let God down though I always do. Lord just ask for Your help even right now to just help me, teach me and guide me to be a better person in Your way so that I can be a good testimony for others that needs help seeking the truth. I will continue to build up my faith, and I believe someday my faith will tell others how I walk this path with You Lord.

By faith I'm moved...

My Heart beats for you Jesus...

At this rate... how should I feel?

happy ...

sad...

suicidal...

All I can say is that I lost hope ... on everything that I cherish and cared... on and off things has been going on in my life.. and many tragic and also unlucky stuff that I've faced, it sucks so much just to go through it even a bit.

I just can't take it anymore, I hate this feeling.... this feeling of getting left behind....

WHY?? WHY EVERYONE JUST TEND TO LEAVE ME ....

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE!! SCREW IT....

not gonna live in this world any longer.... i wanna just fly and get away from everything....

In memories of Jason 1979-2009

Rest in peace in God's arm...

We will never forget you...

Till the time when we will meet each other up there =)

God bless~

We love you.

Updates !

Oh yeah.. at last !! I'm posting something on my blog again after so long..

my 2nd semester has started, only 3 subjects intro to jap, shun zhu business arts, and also pendidikan moral ....

so basicly I have 3 days of class only, but sadly my classes are on Thursday, Friday and also Saturday... Gosh I hate Saturday classes man just can't do anything else. I need a Saturday break !!!!!!

hmm.. well guess have to wait for another sem, hope that I would get a better timetable next semester. Other than that things are just going fine I guess hehe ....

Been hanging out a lot with my ex school mates these days... Yee Kheng, Tyrael, Jia Yee, Cheah Hui... =) Just felt like the old days when we all hang out in form 6 ... gosh miss those days man ... and miss all my friends so much ... Just hope to hang out with them more ...

Nothing much happen, 2 months since I broke up with Crsie already... still trying to seek forgiveness for those stupid stuff that I've wrong her ... sorry friend.. hope to mend things right somehow ... hope you can find peace in God....

oh yea, finding a place to move out... at the end I still prefer my own private space =)

so now I'm trying to find a new crib to stay in hopefully can get one with a reasonable price... desparate for a self owned room!!!!!!!!!

well so far thats what happen in these few months nothing much big... still hanging on thanks to God's unfailing love towards me =)

till my next post ...

God Bless