random 2

Time just flies....
it goes pass us so fast that some of us don't even notice it......
blink of eye it's already August.....
or to be more accurate August 24th 2008...rainy day.... the sky is so gray...... and i'm missing someone so much.....

well alot of things has been going on and off as i stated on the past post.... and things are still the same .... nothing much has changed... sometimes i just feel this kind of feeling that i should run away.... run away from all this crap... these problems that make me so confuse so conflict within my self... just hope i could just run... and run.... and just keep on running away .... without looking what's left behind.....

But i know that i can't... because there is also so many factors that i can't let go.... God, family, crsie, friends....... sigh... its just too frustrating already.... i always tot that i had a strong faith and a strong heart when problems come.... but then i realize... hey..i'm just a normal teenager.... still in the process of growing..... and i'm not tat strong as i imagine also ...LOL... sad case ..

Just today, suddenly i just tot of all the things i went through from last year till now... man.. honestly i've really change alot.... in the sense of attitude and other stuff etc etc....sometimes i still can't believe myself....Teoh Ting Jiun.... a christian...prefect???...GOOD GUY??? HOLY????? (that's what people label me as nowdays) not like that old times....jerk, sakai, retarded, useless, hopeless, lala, kokoi, cacat...etc etc....just feel so different already with my life now.... moved back staying with parents....got a good life .... a great girlfriend XD...... awesome friends!!(true friends!!!).....and i always think do i deserve all of this....

I got all of this thanks to God ... and also the people god put around me... i really learn alot from them.... and i felt i'm really bless cause i have them as my brother's and sister's in christ.... and somehow when i think of all this... just i felt... yeah things aren't that bad also... because there are still so many people around me .... and i'm sure that God wants to see me be strong and stand still and overcome every trial that God set for me..... so on that very moment i've decided not to run away anymore.... and i just pray that by faith all that is happening will be over soon enough and i've already made 80% of my move towards the problem... just pray that what ever that is gonna happen may it be God's will but not men's will.....

In addition .... i also pray for those people who are causing alot of issues for those on going incident... just hope that whatever you guys do... always check your heart and really make sure that thats what God wants you guy to say or do..... well at the end of the day whatever you all commit its for yourself to know and God bless you all.....

Even a simplest and smallest sin that we commit....
For God is just still the same...
Sin is always againts God word...
And no people is sinless or less in sinning....
we are all equal....
we are all the same...
we are all sinners....
but because of God's love for us...
we are save through Christ....
Amen....

-God is always watching.......-

random

Sorry for the really really late post .....
coz been busy doing all kinds of stuff ....
such as SUTDY!!!! haha kinda hard to believe right ? LOL Teoh Ting Jiun studying man !!!
ya ya thats the truth .... don't feel like failing in trails and STPM haha so have to work hard lo...... must support me ya LOL!!!!


Well what can I say?? Tough month for sure... so many thing has been going on and off around me .... makes me so frustrated and tired.... arghhhhhh!!!!!!!! wish all this kind of crap can just go away itself and I will surely be super duper glad and relief...

God really tested me this period of time... is like so many things just bump out infront of me and best part of it.... all of it come together...I mean the problems.. for once I really felt so tired of all things ... and it really crush my spirit.... and now im still strugling in some parts... some can say solve already but some will take a longer period of time....

Just feel so hopeless at times....but lucky I have God by myside to go through all this and also never the less my dearest CHRISTINE LEE !!! LOL.... without her really dunno i can endure such a long period anot... thx baby love you soso much ... muax....

well so far thats all I wanna say la... dun mind coz i really dun feel like sharing my problems right now... think of it also wanna die d LOL.... till the next post la... and see when I will semangat to post again ...
Till then ... adios~~~~

Living only for God

One question that always pop up in my mind now days.....
Who am i living for ?
MYSELF??
MY FAMILY??
MY GIRLFRIEND??
MY FRIENDS??
Or.....

GOD.....


It has been a draining, frustrating and tiring week for me. So many things and events, UNEXPECTED and UNFORTUNATE events happen in my life... For the 1st time in my life... .i thought i am dead for sure... Firstly, most of you know that I'm a lazy person to start with, anything i will say don't care la and etc etc.... well this kind of attitude of mind kinda bother me for quite a time... knowing that my major exam that is STPM is just around the corner only and i am still slacking around as if the exam is not gonna come for another hundred years.... well gotta do something bout it haha... but still thinking how... lame =(


Secondly, just recently my nose allergy just went into a critical state.. where my nose will just bleed all it wants and it wont stop bleeding at times until i have to stuck my nostrils will tissue paper... arghhh it so frustrating man... so i went to see the doctor right away... and the doctor just told me if the allergy goes into a more critical condition i may have to go through a nose operation ... and what he said really freaked me out... honestly it was the 1st time i got so afraid and i did all the things that the doctor told me to......


Thirdly, its something to do with my relationship life.... well been having a quite CLOSE relationship with a friend of mine.... but not bf gf ... well thing between me and her was so good all this while... we did not force or rush or anything... but then when things just gotten so good .... it just falls apart.. just like that .... (dun wanna elaborate how and what happen between me n her..*PNC*) well it kinda gimme a smack of reality somehow.... and knowing that nothing ever goes smoothly and i want it to be all the time .... well haha that my life .. what can i do bout it.....


Well what's the relation of who am i living for and what i have said? well it relates a lot... somehow... all this while i kinda abandon God in my life... though having so many problems all i do is just complain and complain... and it is just so pointless... is not like by complaining we can get back the things we want... is only by taking actions that will make a difference.... and by knowing this fact... kinda got some revelation that i wanna share with other people.....
Recently, i realize that my spiritual life isn't going that well... so i''ve decided to do something with it ... by changing my lifestyle and have God in my picture no matter what i do... but then things somehow just gotten worst.... all the problems not only did not get solve but then it turn out to be more worst.. and at one point i just felt like giving up everything.. .i mean everything.... but then something just strike me ....
Somehow i realize that... my habit of complaining comes in again, that kinda wake me up and let me realize that all this while i did nothing to make things go easy in my life... i've been bragging about it only... but after that i changed my mind set.... somehow just felt that God told me something.... life is just like the ocean... waves go up and down all the time... and sometimes it is as calm as u can ever imagine but sometimes it will be so rough.... but in all this thing... never once forget bout God.... cause all this happened under his will.. in our lives there are always outcomes the will bring us down... but in one point... we have to put God in the picture all the time...is because of him we are who we are now... and there is always a reason to the things when God just allows it to happen....

All this while I've been blinded by my emotions and also my feelings.... and because of that i couldn't see what is God doing in my life... but now i understand what he is doing.... all this trials that i'm facing, he is just trying to make me stronger and having more faith in him.. .and that's what i'm going to do.... I will not give up on God no matter what the outcomes are.... he has choose me and its my turn to show him that he choose me cause i can do it!!!
Thank you God for you are such a loving and wonderful God... I will not turn my life away from you... cause is because of you i'm here..... And i only live for You not others....


At times we may be blinded by our feelings and emotions.......
but at the end of the day...
Just remember...
God is still with us.....

" And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;
For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You."
Psalm 9:10

Have faith in God for he is a faithful God....
Just wanna encourage all that is reading this blog to think bout it ...
for christian's pray that you will have more faith in God....
because with faith even as small as a mustard seed can move mountains....
and as for those non-christian's hope will will take this opportunity to get to know this wonderful God and love and cares about all of you......

Untitled

Have you ever felt this before?
The feeling that something is so real for that moment....
The feeling that just tells you that everything will be alright.....
But... just when we turn around or blink our eyes... the happiness just fades away..
Fades away as if it was just a dream... nothing more than that.....
And when we get disappointed in our life we will just tend to isolate our self and 'emo' all around....

well we are humans...sometimes... no all the time we just can't handle our emotions that easy.... most of the time we will just tend to be 'emo' but does that really help?? It's kinda sad to know that being 'emo' only makes things worst but not bringing any benefit to any parties.

After having Christ in my life... things have change... it really did... though some may not be that obvious, but in this matter... the 'emo' matter ... things really change after i accepted Christ in my life... the way I see things in my life... the way i treat others.... the ways i do things... and also they way i handle my feelings... not to say I'm super great and awesome after become a Christian and i know how to handle things that normal person can't handle well... The truth is .. i am still a human, just same like others ... no difference... accept the part where I believe in Christ and some don't.....

having this new life... it is just too good to be true sometimes.. .but then, life is still life... we will still face normal things like other people face... but somehow knowing God is something really something awesome.... it is too awesome till I can't express it through words .....but one things for sure... Bout the 'emo' thing... so far I think I'm doing it very well... and I just wanna be here and share out my testimony... God is great ... Knowing Christ really changed my life totally.....

And if there is someone out there reading this page... Don't misunderstood me.. I'm not trying to preach out to you all and saying come on you should be a Christian .... But is just wanna encourage those people out there... those who had a though life.... being rejected... being tease and insulted.... being make fun ... feels like life is nothing but suffering... i here by encourage you all... try to take a step of faith... and get to know our God.... all i can say is I'm here because of Christ.... no because of myself.... without God I'm nothing....Just wanna share this great thing with all my friends out there....


Try knowing this God..... you might not know what great things he has planned for all of us... and I'm proud to be a Christian that for sure...


-andrew-.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOWDAYS!!!

MAN I'M TOTALLY FRUSTRATED!!!!!

This is totally insane why can't people just stop all this crap!!!!
I'm gonna breakdown soon... and once I breakdown its DOOM'S DAY for those faggots out there!!!!!

Better watch out what you talk and who u messing with!!!!

Emotional breakdown!!!!

Aiks... this year CNY is crap!!!!!
just took both my phones to get repair around RM60 ....
Big big rugi this month .....

Summore exam is just around the CORNER!!!. and SOMEthings are just bugging me till i can't concentrate at all in my studies..... feel so awful everyday.....

Somehow i felt like suiciding now days although is a crazy and negative thought.... but don't know why i am feeling like this this whole month.... this is so so CRAP!!!

ARRRGHHHH!!! i wanna break free from all of this.... really dislike studying.... sadly i'm force to study.. and the worst part is... i'm force to study things i am seriously not interested in.... sigh... life is just so so lame now days... and i feel weak and hopeless...

But even though i know that this is a test from god.... and so i will just give it out all and do my best as i could....
God please lead me.... guide me ...desperately seeking for your guidance.... i wanna be better and better..... so that i can become i true testimony to others!!!!!

Resolvements in life...

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change our life?

The meassure of time is enough for life altering.....

Is it 5 years in secondary shcool ?

1 year and half in form 6 ?

Can your life change in a month?a week?or a single day?

we are always in a hurry.......

to grow up....

to go places to get ahead....

But when you are young one hour can change everything....

It's bout 5 long months since i was ready to post out another blog well here I am... to post out another of my lame o blogs haha... well maybe some will think it as interesting?? who knows ?? ha.. ha...

Trough out all this months... many things had been going back and forward in my life..well not to say that all are bad things.. but bad things often occur much more in our life's compare to good things right ?? Don't you all think so ??
Well honestly this theory is to be said false/NOT TRUE!! well to tell you guys the truth bout me... I am always an unlucky guy... thats what i was always thinking in my mind even till I was so old already... 19 years old man!! and all I do i just bragging bout my life....that sucks right ? ha.. ha..

When i come to pone point that i was so depress... well something miracle just happen in front of me... Here's some simple testimony bout myself... XD..

It happened quite a while ago... last year that is ...well from the previous blog I bet you guys know I'm a very lame person ha.. ha.. to be honest i was so arrogant and cocky till one point where the whole people in school just eventually started to anti me... and THAT was like the end of the earth for me... imagine.... 90% people in school anti you... the rest just don't bother only... well thats so hard for me ... that time i even think of not going to school .. because it is so so embarrassing and and also frustrating... but somehow from nowhere ... there was a friend of mine that just gave me 1 sentence of prayer..
*I was not a christian back then... so I did not quite believe what my friend told me... but I was in a super frustrating moment that time....so I've decided to pray for a 1st time in my life as a free thinker...*
Well i spend bout one hour to pray for my problems before i went to sleep...well eventually the next day i went back to school as usual...well that time I realised all those people who antied me .. did not even say a bad thing bout me tat day!!! well then as time passes on.... the problem just became smaller and smaller and eventually nobody bring out that matter again... well it was super amazing!!

Well... since then i started to go church with my friends... but that time it was still new to me so i felt really awkward .. and some point when i was in church i was wondering .. why are they so anxious to pray and worship god.... and somehow i freak out when i see how they pray.....(no offence XD) well as time passes.... all came into an amazing plan of god's to me... I accepted christ after i went church about 4 times.... that time i was still kinda blurry and was keep on wondering ... am i making a big mistake.... eventually this no a big mistake at all in fact it was a great decision that i made for my life....

Life is full of unexpected events... but not all of the events are bad... sometimes we may feel bad of felt so miserable and depressed because of our life and the problems that we are facing... but till the end... each and every problem will has its own way to be solve... if we try hard enough to work for it...We should never give up in our life no matter what... God provide us with life.... and that we shall not waste our life by just giving up and keep on depressing but not trying to do anything to overcome it..... we should appreciate life even more and try to life a live that we are destine to, but not by giving up on life....

That's the resolve I've gotten after I accepted christ and realised waht I've been doing with my life for all this time... But now I'm a better person ( at least that's how I think XD) many events that I've been through and most of them aren't good.... but I know god loves us all and all of this is under his wonderful planning.....

Life is the longest journey men ever walk...
But what lies on the finishing line of this journey??
is it a lifetime regretment?
or is it a happy ever after ending...
sadly to say nobody knows the answer to this....
the only way to find out is to walk this journey with courage...
never let the smallest things in our life's take us down....
take all problems given to us as a test...
a test of faith toward god and our life......
and that we will survive and live on ...

and someday in the future, when we think back our history ... we will feel proud of it ...
because we did not give up on life but live it to the fullest.......

To judge or to be judge.....2nd chance

It has been a harsh month for me ...... many things happend within these few weeks..... it can be said its the hardest part of time i had been throught so far.....but life is like that, so many things can just happend just like that without us noticing it.

Just recently my dearest uncle past away, well it was themost sad time i had so far.... but i know it has already past so i still have to move on as time flows....Besides that i am facing many problems in school also.... kinda frustrated now actually...

It seems that people still judge me as the 'old' me... kinda sad when i realise that.... actually i really don't understand why do people dislike me so much.... maybe they just don't know who am i really.... well who knows?? Since i started schooling since form 1..people often look down at me... laugh at me, tease me, insult me, bully me.... but there is always one thing playing in my mind... WHY ME BUT NOT THE OTHERS??maybe this is what they called face problem gua?? who knows?

After all these events that i had been through somehow i manage to survive and came back to the same old place to study form6 .... for me form6 is a new beginnig for me... the day 1 step in form 6 i was determined to change all my bad habbits and try to become a better person each and every moment.... i am trying very hard .... and i realise life is so meaningful when there is resposible taken up to be done.... many things i had learn through out these past few months..... becomeing more resposible, tolerate, more paitient, more self motivating, and also i learn how to respect others.... it has been an amazing journey so far.... but yet there is still many problems occuring around me... well thats what life is all about isn't it ?

Well something i realise through out these few months.... no matter how youhad change sometimes people just can't accept the fact that we had already change... they will always judge us by the past but not the present.... dand it felt awful for me when i found out of this... seriously i don't know how to react when i realise there are still people that havent change thier ways of judging me..... they still see me as the form 5 boy that cause alot of trouble, lazy and always do stupids that kind of person.... well if anyone who know me well reading mty blog.... i just wanna say that... i am really really trying hard to change the past me andbecome a better person all the time.... and all i request is just a 2nd chance for me..... a chance to proove myself worthy of being a leader... thats all.... the reason i step up and became the president of interact club is not because of pride or fame..... all i wanted is just to make the club better .... and bring back the glory of the club... yet i am still getting weak supporting from the members.... and i heard that there are some of them boycotting me sommore....that moment i felt very awful.... i try so hard to fight and make the club better but i never get full supprot from the members instead they will just backstab me from behind.... that feeling sucks.. alot.... for all this while i am doin my best and i just hope for a 2nd chance to proove that i am worthy... beside that i also wanna proove to the others that people do change.....

Well at least i know... i had change alot since the last time..... and i am learing step by step how to be a better leader, student and also a better person for all my friend....The past of mine is so dark and messy... someday i really wish i could get out from my past andbecome a better person... and all people will accept me and sees me as normal person...like others.....well seriously i don't know what i've done to make so many ppl misjudge me... but i am very sure that i am try my best tochange d.... so i really really hope people will giv me a 2nd chance to make things right...... and proove that i am a worthy person in handling things....
so please give me a second chance....

Seeking for forgiveness.....

I bet each and every people will do something wrong sometimes.... no matter in an intentional way or not....the point is... we all will make mistakes.....


Yesterday something happend between me and her..... we just broke up again 2 days ago... and that was the final decision made by her and also me.... but the reason for broke up as you guys know ..... is just like too hard for me to accept somehow..... and we argue bout that many times already.... and i said something very very awfull when i was angry that time... i know although that time i was angry... but i should control my anger and not to blast all my feeling on her... that make it so unfair to her.....i regret for what i've said.. but its too late to pull back my words already....


then the next incident happend yesterday night.... because my feelings that time was still kinda unstable .... i boycott her the whole night during the drama pratice and did not talk to her..... besides that i also showed her the unhappy looks like she had done something reeally bad to me.... and i know that is very bad and i think i hurt her very much that time... beside that i think she is very disapointed on me already... for all the time the boy she think i good person... did something that awful to her.... deeply in my heart i felt very guilty......


i can't just stop thinking bout what happend last night..... i am very regret for what i've done to her... i really do... i really hoped for her to stand infront of me now to slap me... scold me ... curse me..... that i think will make me feel batter .... because what i did last night was very cruel even to a girl that broke up with me..... i should not had followed my emotions and do all those stupid retarded stuff..... i am really really sorry wfor what i did.... but now... she don't wanna talk to me already... won't reply my calls, smses......and that makes me felt more worst......


But now, i don't think it matters anymore.... because i think she is angry with me already.... won't talk to me also....i don't care if she is angry to me or hate me... all i wanted is just for her to forgive me...... forgive me for my actions.......what i've said what i've done.... i know nothing will change your mind even though how many time of sorry i said... but please i wish and beg for your forgiveness..... please forgive me even if it takes 1 yea, 2 year, 3 year and more..... i jsut hope someday you will forgive me.... i reallydo... other than that... i don't hope for anything more... those things i said i know is harsh a cruel and i still spill it out..... i felt sorry and regret that moment all the time...... please regret me for my childish action....


sorry is all that i've to say now.... last night after that... iwent out with my other friends..... and that time i think alot bout what i've done.... and i realise what i've done all this time was wrong......those stupid actions.....stupid words that i've.... i just can't stop blaming myself until the day you forgive me....... but even youdon't forgive me at least please.... please scold me, slap me , hit me , cruse me....... that will make me feel better .... as long as i know what is in your mind now.... don't hold your sad feeling bout me inside ur heart..... is not worth it to be sad about A JERK like me......


please if you are reading my post...... give me some respons.... i don't mind if it is positive or negative i jsut hope you will forgive me...... i am sorry.......

Desparation only leads to regretments

What does it takes to fulfill our hearts desire?? Do we humans feel satisfy when we obtain or achieve our hearts desire? The answer is definitely NO!!! N...O... NO!!! We human are always not satisfy about all sort of things.... our school... our studies... our teachers... our friends.... our parents... and the most important, our life..... All around the world, there are many people who are fated more worse then our life's.... people like those which lived in poor countries.. war happening .. people starving.... but yet the reality is, compare us with them we are much much lucky than them, but somehow people just don't understand this fact and bragging about their miserable life's..... Our desire for more and more just can't stop... the greediness of human heart can't be kill or demolish..... we can only control the greediness of our human nature... and that i can say it is not easy at all....temptations are all around us.... who else in this world can be sure to say that they are not greedy????

People who has strong heart desire can also be known as desperate in the not so nice way.... felt kinda sorry to say so.....These people will intend to do all they can just to reach their goals....even by betraying their most trustable friends.....These are those people which are normally hated by people.... After all, i was once called a desperado... sigh.... but things have change.. i am no longer the old me... and now people recognize me as another person....as in a better person.... so i think is good to resolve and keep on improving.... Well sometime you can't blame those kind of people... because they wanted people to recognize their existence... so they try many things just to gt attention from others... i am once like that so i really understand their desperation... but if those desperation for power and also status.... i think they should really change their mind.... people will often choose you as a leader when you prove to them you are capable of handling things nicely.... so don't use other way to reach your goal.... always use the original way .. that's is hardworking and responsibility.... you can succeed with applying these values within you..... we can control our desire for all kinds of things if we try had enough to make it right....for me i think i am capable of doing these except for love.....

To be honest.... i am not a person who is very good in this kind of things... although i had been through this kind of things for many times but..... i am still very stubborn when it comes to this matter..... actually i myself also don't know why am i so stubborn in this kind of stuff..... maybe because i am always trusting people too easily... letting them budge in to my life very easy.... well i am those person which trust the friends very much.... because for me friendship is very important to me..... on the other hand finding some that i love and loves me is also very important.... because for me that's is the person that i will trust most beside my best friends.......or on the other hand you guys can say that i am a desperado or whatever..... i don't mind... because i am really desparate for love... maybe because i am lack of love since i was born.... not living with my parents... my parents never cared much about me....only provideme in financial support... and that is also limited to a very small amount...... i still have to work part time sometimes to earn moremoney to support my life..... is not easy being a teenager like me.... well ithink is because i can't get the love i should get from my family so i tried to get those feelings from another person....but everytime i triedto open up for the people i love.... it all ended up in an unwanted way....till now.... i am already losing much faith i have to put my trust into other people...and those people just keep on disapointing me..... its really sad.. getting disapointment again and again...... just can't hold back my feelings already... i am already on my limits ......

Last time i mention my broke up with my girlfriend...... well apparently we manage to get back to gether... but it was jsut a veryshort period of time.... the both of us broke up for real already..... and i can't do anything besides trying to comfort myself... making myself feel better....but the feeling is still as worse as ever.... well imagine you get dissapointed by the girl 2 times.... and the same reason is used..... well is not easy to handle it...... for sure..... and now the feeling of love has became hatred, anger, jealousy, sadness and a lilbit of love only....i kept on doin wrong things when i see her.... doing stupid emotions acting very childish everytime i see her... but that time i was just blinded by my sadness of getting disapointment...well as time goes on... ifelt that there is nth i can really do already... other than hoping she will be happy in the future... now all i need is her forgiveness..... i hope when she see this she will forgive me... for all the childish and stupid actions that i've made......i just hope that she will forgive me... and i won't bother her anymore.... now and forever... me and her has nothing related between each other already.... she is she i am still myself.... thats all i can say..... nth more....somehow now... i really need her forgiveness so that i can really start to move on without her..... if she does not... i will still be trap in the guilt i've commited.... and till then i am still feeling guilty each and every moment....... so please if you are reading to my blog... forgive me..... deeply in my heart i really felt sorry......i mean it.........

Desperation always leads people to do thins that is totally out of mind...... and make their life misserable... including myself i am like that.... just can't forgive myself now.....so i hoped for the people out there that read my blog... will know that sometimes.. its really a wise choise to let go... eventhough is the most harsh and hardest choise...... letting go will be the wises choise ....only with letting go we can free ourselfs from thoes frustration and totally pain memories of our's.....by letting go... all of the misseries that each sides holds will also fade away as time passes..... so letting go is the best choise...... it took me a very very long time to resolve to this choise.... lots of pointless and harmfull words i had said to her... and i still regret it.... sometimes i will wish for the time to turn back and let me fix the harm that i've done.... making a good girl like her suffer through this is just too unfair for her already.... i just hope i can take away all her pain and suffer now... and put it on to me... at least she will gain happiness and live happily without having those misserable memories.... i could do anything just to let her had a nice life.... away from this painful memories.... ia msorrry again for leading you into this .... i really do.. just i hope you will forgive me and let me make it up to you..... and then i won't bother you anymore....

Some people said once that life is too short.....

Many things that we wish to do but ended up not doing it.....

Regretments and disapointments will come upon all the time.....

But we should not let those feelings crush us down......

Learn from mistakes that we've commited and resolve from it....

though is not easy....

but the results of resolving thorugh our mistakes will made a large difference to our life's...

so don't look back even a second...

never ever think that is too late to change.....

because there is always a second chance for all of us......

The past is already been decided.....

But the future hasn't..... there is always a light in every darkness.... to lighthen us and guide us trough the right path.....

so don't give up no matter what the out comes are....... remember that......