Sunday, July 29, 2007

The most unexpected moments in my life......

George Bernard Shaw once wrote, "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it." "
And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely.
Have you ever felt the feeling of losing yourself into the deepest darkness.... the feeling that make you feel that is end of the world... and you can't do anything to make is alright... the person you loved most left you not because of she/he hated or got dissapointed by you... instead they left you because of the reason : I" don't think i am good enough for you... you treated me so well yet i don't think i love you enough... and that is unfair to you.... so i think we should be apart before both of us really regret... "
These word mention by that person... do you think the person act is right? or is the person wrong? well in my view.. there is no right or wrong within these sentences..... is the matter how you gonna face the fact, the truth that has been told to you.... sadly for me .... i can't think of anything or how to react when this situation comes to me.....
It happend jsut yesterday, when all things were goin well between me and the girl i've always love and cherish with my heart and soul......I love that girl so much... maybe most of you think i am crapping because i am just a teenagaer that just fell in love yet i don't understand what is love......well i dare to say so i am know what is love... and i know the pain the burden that people carried when they love someone....well as many people say this before " love can be sweet sometimes, but it can be bitter most of the times." Okay back to my story.....the girl with me... we had nothing dealing with the relationship we had all along.... it was very good indeed.. and many memorable moments we been through.... and i had always had that in my mind... she was the girl i am meant to be with... i will love her with all i can ... make her happy when she is sad... lend her my shoulders when she need to cry.... listen to her when she needs to talk..... be with her when she feels lonely.... well at least that's what i had in mind and i am willing to do those things for her......but thing never ever gone smooth in my life....
The girl was kinda moody that day, and i tought she had something to worry since the exams is just around the corner...I tried to ask her many times what's the problem because i just can't bare to see her feel like that... well things gone worse after i ask her what the problem she was occuring.... at last she told me what she had in mind... that time i was shocked.. she wanted to break up with me... that time my mind was suddenly blank.. i can't think of anything that time.... for a sudden i was stunned and did not even react in the way i should be.....
I asked for the reason why she said that... then she told me the reason: "you treated me well and love me very much, but i am not sure that i loved you anot... i felt unfair to you.... so i think we should be apart for now... sorry..."Those words are like knife stabbing through my heart and going thorough my body.....that moment i am really lost... for all the time the girl i love and shared all the moments with....SHE IS GONE.....out from my life already.... i was so sad...and for the first time in many years....i cried out... i really cried out ..... each and every tears full of sorrow and sadness..... pain that i can't affort to hold back.... i bacame so weak at the moment....it was the most awfull moment in my life.....
Well till now my feeling are still like that... empty, sorrow, sad cause nothing i can do to make her change her mind...... she told me to give her a month to let her think nicely.... does she love me anot.....i had no choise but to respect her decisions......
Life is really unexpected do they?? Yesterday morning i was a happy guy with the girl i love and care....and the night i am lonely .... holding on my sadness, the pain the cut throughs my heart and feeling the world is meaningless without the person you love....knowing that she lose faith not because of you but herself, knowing that she is sad and you can't be there for her...... that hurts more than ever....
Till now i am still wondering is this the truth of is it just another bad dream..... for all the moments we shared together... i don't think that she did not love me at all..... i can feel her love everytime we were together... the promises we made... it meant something.. do they or do they don't? the answer lies with in her now.... And i am trembleling at a corner crying without tears... hoping and wish for her answer after 1 month is the answer i desparately wanted to hear..... isn't that very silly?? A teenager talking bout sadness, pain, sorrow feelings.....that maybe right... i may be silly but that's how i feel now.... my heart is so empty.....is like an important piece of puzzle in my heart had gone lost....And i can't do anything at all....
If she is looking at this post... i wanted to let her know.... without her support for all this time.... i won't get as far as i can now.....from a not so good human, transforming into a better person.... i became who i am now because of her... she motivate me when i fell down, when all the bad things happend to me, she is always there to help me go thourgh those darktimes.... i owe her alot... and all i can do now i just sitting at the corner and try to be strong.....this is just too hard for me......i can't go on already.... hopefully time will do some magic on me....
For all the time.... i a simple thing from her... nothing much....
I did not wish for anything much from her... i just wanted her to love me.....
Well this time i had really lost me heart's desire....what should i do?resolve and be strong or i can just give up my life for this thing... well between these 2 choises... i can't choose either one of them..... cause i can't give up my life just like that... yet i can't hold on my feelings......and this feeling will continue till the day..... the day that will decide all once and for all....
but no matter what outcomes... the feelings for her.. no one can replace that... no one can be better than her in my heart forever......

5 comments:

~ CORRINNE MAH ~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~ CORRINNE MAH ~ said...

be thankful for the brief time she was part of your life.
when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Cher Hong said...

wahhhhh!
corrinne was here?
wakaka.. die lor... ah piao u...
wakaka...

vin fei said...

man sai kan, ching si hor mun

hope u understand e meaning.

melody said...

sorry.i'm not really wanna hurt u..n let u waiting..i juz need time 2 decide..
u never do anythg wrong..the problems r from me..
sorry..i think like n love r different..i hope u can understand..i scared..
i'll always support u no matter wat happen..