To judge or to be judge.....2nd chance

It has been a harsh month for me ...... many things happend within these few weeks..... it can be said its the hardest part of time i had been throught so far.....but life is like that, so many things can just happend just like that without us noticing it.

Just recently my dearest uncle past away, well it was themost sad time i had so far.... but i know it has already past so i still have to move on as time flows....Besides that i am facing many problems in school also.... kinda frustrated now actually...

It seems that people still judge me as the 'old' me... kinda sad when i realise that.... actually i really don't understand why do people dislike me so much.... maybe they just don't know who am i really.... well who knows?? Since i started schooling since form 1..people often look down at me... laugh at me, tease me, insult me, bully me.... but there is always one thing playing in my mind... WHY ME BUT NOT THE OTHERS??maybe this is what they called face problem gua?? who knows?

After all these events that i had been through somehow i manage to survive and came back to the same old place to study form6 .... for me form6 is a new beginnig for me... the day 1 step in form 6 i was determined to change all my bad habbits and try to become a better person each and every moment.... i am trying very hard .... and i realise life is so meaningful when there is resposible taken up to be done.... many things i had learn through out these past few months..... becomeing more resposible, tolerate, more paitient, more self motivating, and also i learn how to respect others.... it has been an amazing journey so far.... but yet there is still many problems occuring around me... well thats what life is all about isn't it ?

Well something i realise through out these few months.... no matter how youhad change sometimes people just can't accept the fact that we had already change... they will always judge us by the past but not the present.... dand it felt awful for me when i found out of this... seriously i don't know how to react when i realise there are still people that havent change thier ways of judging me..... they still see me as the form 5 boy that cause alot of trouble, lazy and always do stupids that kind of person.... well if anyone who know me well reading mty blog.... i just wanna say that... i am really really trying hard to change the past me andbecome a better person all the time.... and all i request is just a 2nd chance for me..... a chance to proove myself worthy of being a leader... thats all.... the reason i step up and became the president of interact club is not because of pride or fame..... all i wanted is just to make the club better .... and bring back the glory of the club... yet i am still getting weak supporting from the members.... and i heard that there are some of them boycotting me sommore....that moment i felt very awful.... i try so hard to fight and make the club better but i never get full supprot from the members instead they will just backstab me from behind.... that feeling sucks.. alot.... for all this while i am doin my best and i just hope for a 2nd chance to proove that i am worthy... beside that i also wanna proove to the others that people do change.....

Well at least i know... i had change alot since the last time..... and i am learing step by step how to be a better leader, student and also a better person for all my friend....The past of mine is so dark and messy... someday i really wish i could get out from my past andbecome a better person... and all people will accept me and sees me as normal person...like others.....well seriously i don't know what i've done to make so many ppl misjudge me... but i am very sure that i am try my best tochange d.... so i really really hope people will giv me a 2nd chance to make things right...... and proove that i am a worthy person in handling things....
so please give me a second chance....

Seeking for forgiveness.....

I bet each and every people will do something wrong sometimes.... no matter in an intentional way or not....the point is... we all will make mistakes.....


Yesterday something happend between me and her..... we just broke up again 2 days ago... and that was the final decision made by her and also me.... but the reason for broke up as you guys know ..... is just like too hard for me to accept somehow..... and we argue bout that many times already.... and i said something very very awfull when i was angry that time... i know although that time i was angry... but i should control my anger and not to blast all my feeling on her... that make it so unfair to her.....i regret for what i've said.. but its too late to pull back my words already....


then the next incident happend yesterday night.... because my feelings that time was still kinda unstable .... i boycott her the whole night during the drama pratice and did not talk to her..... besides that i also showed her the unhappy looks like she had done something reeally bad to me.... and i know that is very bad and i think i hurt her very much that time... beside that i think she is very disapointed on me already... for all the time the boy she think i good person... did something that awful to her.... deeply in my heart i felt very guilty......


i can't just stop thinking bout what happend last night..... i am very regret for what i've done to her... i really do... i really hoped for her to stand infront of me now to slap me... scold me ... curse me..... that i think will make me feel batter .... because what i did last night was very cruel even to a girl that broke up with me..... i should not had followed my emotions and do all those stupid retarded stuff..... i am really really sorry wfor what i did.... but now... she don't wanna talk to me already... won't reply my calls, smses......and that makes me felt more worst......


But now, i don't think it matters anymore.... because i think she is angry with me already.... won't talk to me also....i don't care if she is angry to me or hate me... all i wanted is just for her to forgive me...... forgive me for my actions.......what i've said what i've done.... i know nothing will change your mind even though how many time of sorry i said... but please i wish and beg for your forgiveness..... please forgive me even if it takes 1 yea, 2 year, 3 year and more..... i jsut hope someday you will forgive me.... i reallydo... other than that... i don't hope for anything more... those things i said i know is harsh a cruel and i still spill it out..... i felt sorry and regret that moment all the time...... please regret me for my childish action....


sorry is all that i've to say now.... last night after that... iwent out with my other friends..... and that time i think alot bout what i've done.... and i realise what i've done all this time was wrong......those stupid actions.....stupid words that i've.... i just can't stop blaming myself until the day you forgive me....... but even youdon't forgive me at least please.... please scold me, slap me , hit me , cruse me....... that will make me feel better .... as long as i know what is in your mind now.... don't hold your sad feeling bout me inside ur heart..... is not worth it to be sad about A JERK like me......


please if you are reading my post...... give me some respons.... i don't mind if it is positive or negative i jsut hope you will forgive me...... i am sorry.......

Desparation only leads to regretments

What does it takes to fulfill our hearts desire?? Do we humans feel satisfy when we obtain or achieve our hearts desire? The answer is definitely NO!!! N...O... NO!!! We human are always not satisfy about all sort of things.... our school... our studies... our teachers... our friends.... our parents... and the most important, our life..... All around the world, there are many people who are fated more worse then our life's.... people like those which lived in poor countries.. war happening .. people starving.... but yet the reality is, compare us with them we are much much lucky than them, but somehow people just don't understand this fact and bragging about their miserable life's..... Our desire for more and more just can't stop... the greediness of human heart can't be kill or demolish..... we can only control the greediness of our human nature... and that i can say it is not easy at all....temptations are all around us.... who else in this world can be sure to say that they are not greedy????

People who has strong heart desire can also be known as desperate in the not so nice way.... felt kinda sorry to say so.....These people will intend to do all they can just to reach their goals....even by betraying their most trustable friends.....These are those people which are normally hated by people.... After all, i was once called a desperado... sigh.... but things have change.. i am no longer the old me... and now people recognize me as another person....as in a better person.... so i think is good to resolve and keep on improving.... Well sometime you can't blame those kind of people... because they wanted people to recognize their existence... so they try many things just to gt attention from others... i am once like that so i really understand their desperation... but if those desperation for power and also status.... i think they should really change their mind.... people will often choose you as a leader when you prove to them you are capable of handling things nicely.... so don't use other way to reach your goal.... always use the original way .. that's is hardworking and responsibility.... you can succeed with applying these values within you..... we can control our desire for all kinds of things if we try had enough to make it right....for me i think i am capable of doing these except for love.....

To be honest.... i am not a person who is very good in this kind of things... although i had been through this kind of things for many times but..... i am still very stubborn when it comes to this matter..... actually i myself also don't know why am i so stubborn in this kind of stuff..... maybe because i am always trusting people too easily... letting them budge in to my life very easy.... well i am those person which trust the friends very much.... because for me friendship is very important to me..... on the other hand finding some that i love and loves me is also very important.... because for me that's is the person that i will trust most beside my best friends.......or on the other hand you guys can say that i am a desperado or whatever..... i don't mind... because i am really desparate for love... maybe because i am lack of love since i was born.... not living with my parents... my parents never cared much about me....only provideme in financial support... and that is also limited to a very small amount...... i still have to work part time sometimes to earn moremoney to support my life..... is not easy being a teenager like me.... well ithink is because i can't get the love i should get from my family so i tried to get those feelings from another person....but everytime i triedto open up for the people i love.... it all ended up in an unwanted way....till now.... i am already losing much faith i have to put my trust into other people...and those people just keep on disapointing me..... its really sad.. getting disapointment again and again...... just can't hold back my feelings already... i am already on my limits ......

Last time i mention my broke up with my girlfriend...... well apparently we manage to get back to gether... but it was jsut a veryshort period of time.... the both of us broke up for real already..... and i can't do anything besides trying to comfort myself... making myself feel better....but the feeling is still as worse as ever.... well imagine you get dissapointed by the girl 2 times.... and the same reason is used..... well is not easy to handle it...... for sure..... and now the feeling of love has became hatred, anger, jealousy, sadness and a lilbit of love only....i kept on doin wrong things when i see her.... doing stupid emotions acting very childish everytime i see her... but that time i was just blinded by my sadness of getting disapointment...well as time goes on... ifelt that there is nth i can really do already... other than hoping she will be happy in the future... now all i need is her forgiveness..... i hope when she see this she will forgive me... for all the childish and stupid actions that i've made......i just hope that she will forgive me... and i won't bother her anymore.... now and forever... me and her has nothing related between each other already.... she is she i am still myself.... thats all i can say..... nth more....somehow now... i really need her forgiveness so that i can really start to move on without her..... if she does not... i will still be trap in the guilt i've commited.... and till then i am still feeling guilty each and every moment....... so please if you are reading to my blog... forgive me..... deeply in my heart i really felt sorry......i mean it.........

Desperation always leads people to do thins that is totally out of mind...... and make their life misserable... including myself i am like that.... just can't forgive myself now.....so i hoped for the people out there that read my blog... will know that sometimes.. its really a wise choise to let go... eventhough is the most harsh and hardest choise...... letting go will be the wises choise ....only with letting go we can free ourselfs from thoes frustration and totally pain memories of our's.....by letting go... all of the misseries that each sides holds will also fade away as time passes..... so letting go is the best choise...... it took me a very very long time to resolve to this choise.... lots of pointless and harmfull words i had said to her... and i still regret it.... sometimes i will wish for the time to turn back and let me fix the harm that i've done.... making a good girl like her suffer through this is just too unfair for her already.... i just hope i can take away all her pain and suffer now... and put it on to me... at least she will gain happiness and live happily without having those misserable memories.... i could do anything just to let her had a nice life.... away from this painful memories.... ia msorrry again for leading you into this .... i really do.. just i hope you will forgive me and let me make it up to you..... and then i won't bother you anymore....

Some people said once that life is too short.....

Many things that we wish to do but ended up not doing it.....

Regretments and disapointments will come upon all the time.....

But we should not let those feelings crush us down......

Learn from mistakes that we've commited and resolve from it....

though is not easy....

but the results of resolving thorugh our mistakes will made a large difference to our life's...

so don't look back even a second...

never ever think that is too late to change.....

because there is always a second chance for all of us......

The past is already been decided.....

But the future hasn't..... there is always a light in every darkness.... to lighthen us and guide us trough the right path.....

so don't give up no matter what the out comes are....... remember that......