Resolvements in life...

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change our life?

The meassure of time is enough for life altering.....

Is it 5 years in secondary shcool ?

1 year and half in form 6 ?

Can your life change in a month?a week?or a single day?

we are always in a hurry.......

to grow up....

to go places to get ahead....

But when you are young one hour can change everything....

It's bout 5 long months since i was ready to post out another blog well here I am... to post out another of my lame o blogs haha... well maybe some will think it as interesting?? who knows ?? ha.. ha...

Trough out all this months... many things had been going back and forward in my life..well not to say that all are bad things.. but bad things often occur much more in our life's compare to good things right ?? Don't you all think so ??
Well honestly this theory is to be said false/NOT TRUE!! well to tell you guys the truth bout me... I am always an unlucky guy... thats what i was always thinking in my mind even till I was so old already... 19 years old man!! and all I do i just bragging bout my life....that sucks right ? ha.. ha..

When i come to pone point that i was so depress... well something miracle just happen in front of me... Here's some simple testimony bout myself... XD..

It happened quite a while ago... last year that is ...well from the previous blog I bet you guys know I'm a very lame person ha.. ha.. to be honest i was so arrogant and cocky till one point where the whole people in school just eventually started to anti me... and THAT was like the end of the earth for me... imagine.... 90% people in school anti you... the rest just don't bother only... well thats so hard for me ... that time i even think of not going to school .. because it is so so embarrassing and and also frustrating... but somehow from nowhere ... there was a friend of mine that just gave me 1 sentence of prayer..
*I was not a christian back then... so I did not quite believe what my friend told me... but I was in a super frustrating moment that time....so I've decided to pray for a 1st time in my life as a free thinker...*
Well i spend bout one hour to pray for my problems before i went to sleep...well eventually the next day i went back to school as usual...well that time I realised all those people who antied me .. did not even say a bad thing bout me tat day!!! well then as time passes on.... the problem just became smaller and smaller and eventually nobody bring out that matter again... well it was super amazing!!

Well... since then i started to go church with my friends... but that time it was still new to me so i felt really awkward .. and some point when i was in church i was wondering .. why are they so anxious to pray and worship god.... and somehow i freak out when i see how they pray.....(no offence XD) well as time passes.... all came into an amazing plan of god's to me... I accepted christ after i went church about 4 times.... that time i was still kinda blurry and was keep on wondering ... am i making a big mistake.... eventually this no a big mistake at all in fact it was a great decision that i made for my life....

Life is full of unexpected events... but not all of the events are bad... sometimes we may feel bad of felt so miserable and depressed because of our life and the problems that we are facing... but till the end... each and every problem will has its own way to be solve... if we try hard enough to work for it...We should never give up in our life no matter what... God provide us with life.... and that we shall not waste our life by just giving up and keep on depressing but not trying to do anything to overcome it..... we should appreciate life even more and try to life a live that we are destine to, but not by giving up on life....

That's the resolve I've gotten after I accepted christ and realised waht I've been doing with my life for all this time... But now I'm a better person ( at least that's how I think XD) many events that I've been through and most of them aren't good.... but I know god loves us all and all of this is under his wonderful planning.....

Life is the longest journey men ever walk...
But what lies on the finishing line of this journey??
is it a lifetime regretment?
or is it a happy ever after ending...
sadly to say nobody knows the answer to this....
the only way to find out is to walk this journey with courage...
never let the smallest things in our life's take us down....
take all problems given to us as a test...
a test of faith toward god and our life......
and that we will survive and live on ...

and someday in the future, when we think back our history ... we will feel proud of it ...
because we did not give up on life but live it to the fullest.......

To judge or to be judge.....2nd chance

It has been a harsh month for me ...... many things happend within these few weeks..... it can be said its the hardest part of time i had been throught so far.....but life is like that, so many things can just happend just like that without us noticing it.

Just recently my dearest uncle past away, well it was themost sad time i had so far.... but i know it has already past so i still have to move on as time flows....Besides that i am facing many problems in school also.... kinda frustrated now actually...

It seems that people still judge me as the 'old' me... kinda sad when i realise that.... actually i really don't understand why do people dislike me so much.... maybe they just don't know who am i really.... well who knows?? Since i started schooling since form 1..people often look down at me... laugh at me, tease me, insult me, bully me.... but there is always one thing playing in my mind... WHY ME BUT NOT THE OTHERS??maybe this is what they called face problem gua?? who knows?

After all these events that i had been through somehow i manage to survive and came back to the same old place to study form6 .... for me form6 is a new beginnig for me... the day 1 step in form 6 i was determined to change all my bad habbits and try to become a better person each and every moment.... i am trying very hard .... and i realise life is so meaningful when there is resposible taken up to be done.... many things i had learn through out these past few months..... becomeing more resposible, tolerate, more paitient, more self motivating, and also i learn how to respect others.... it has been an amazing journey so far.... but yet there is still many problems occuring around me... well thats what life is all about isn't it ?

Well something i realise through out these few months.... no matter how youhad change sometimes people just can't accept the fact that we had already change... they will always judge us by the past but not the present.... dand it felt awful for me when i found out of this... seriously i don't know how to react when i realise there are still people that havent change thier ways of judging me..... they still see me as the form 5 boy that cause alot of trouble, lazy and always do stupids that kind of person.... well if anyone who know me well reading mty blog.... i just wanna say that... i am really really trying hard to change the past me andbecome a better person all the time.... and all i request is just a 2nd chance for me..... a chance to proove myself worthy of being a leader... thats all.... the reason i step up and became the president of interact club is not because of pride or fame..... all i wanted is just to make the club better .... and bring back the glory of the club... yet i am still getting weak supporting from the members.... and i heard that there are some of them boycotting me sommore....that moment i felt very awful.... i try so hard to fight and make the club better but i never get full supprot from the members instead they will just backstab me from behind.... that feeling sucks.. alot.... for all this while i am doin my best and i just hope for a 2nd chance to proove that i am worthy... beside that i also wanna proove to the others that people do change.....

Well at least i know... i had change alot since the last time..... and i am learing step by step how to be a better leader, student and also a better person for all my friend....The past of mine is so dark and messy... someday i really wish i could get out from my past andbecome a better person... and all people will accept me and sees me as normal person...like others.....well seriously i don't know what i've done to make so many ppl misjudge me... but i am very sure that i am try my best tochange d.... so i really really hope people will giv me a 2nd chance to make things right...... and proove that i am a worthy person in handling things....
so please give me a second chance....

Seeking for forgiveness.....

I bet each and every people will do something wrong sometimes.... no matter in an intentional way or not....the point is... we all will make mistakes.....


Yesterday something happend between me and her..... we just broke up again 2 days ago... and that was the final decision made by her and also me.... but the reason for broke up as you guys know ..... is just like too hard for me to accept somehow..... and we argue bout that many times already.... and i said something very very awfull when i was angry that time... i know although that time i was angry... but i should control my anger and not to blast all my feeling on her... that make it so unfair to her.....i regret for what i've said.. but its too late to pull back my words already....


then the next incident happend yesterday night.... because my feelings that time was still kinda unstable .... i boycott her the whole night during the drama pratice and did not talk to her..... besides that i also showed her the unhappy looks like she had done something reeally bad to me.... and i know that is very bad and i think i hurt her very much that time... beside that i think she is very disapointed on me already... for all the time the boy she think i good person... did something that awful to her.... deeply in my heart i felt very guilty......


i can't just stop thinking bout what happend last night..... i am very regret for what i've done to her... i really do... i really hoped for her to stand infront of me now to slap me... scold me ... curse me..... that i think will make me feel batter .... because what i did last night was very cruel even to a girl that broke up with me..... i should not had followed my emotions and do all those stupid retarded stuff..... i am really really sorry wfor what i did.... but now... she don't wanna talk to me already... won't reply my calls, smses......and that makes me felt more worst......


But now, i don't think it matters anymore.... because i think she is angry with me already.... won't talk to me also....i don't care if she is angry to me or hate me... all i wanted is just for her to forgive me...... forgive me for my actions.......what i've said what i've done.... i know nothing will change your mind even though how many time of sorry i said... but please i wish and beg for your forgiveness..... please forgive me even if it takes 1 yea, 2 year, 3 year and more..... i jsut hope someday you will forgive me.... i reallydo... other than that... i don't hope for anything more... those things i said i know is harsh a cruel and i still spill it out..... i felt sorry and regret that moment all the time...... please regret me for my childish action....


sorry is all that i've to say now.... last night after that... iwent out with my other friends..... and that time i think alot bout what i've done.... and i realise what i've done all this time was wrong......those stupid actions.....stupid words that i've.... i just can't stop blaming myself until the day you forgive me....... but even youdon't forgive me at least please.... please scold me, slap me , hit me , cruse me....... that will make me feel better .... as long as i know what is in your mind now.... don't hold your sad feeling bout me inside ur heart..... is not worth it to be sad about A JERK like me......


please if you are reading my post...... give me some respons.... i don't mind if it is positive or negative i jsut hope you will forgive me...... i am sorry.......

Desparation only leads to regretments

What does it takes to fulfill our hearts desire?? Do we humans feel satisfy when we obtain or achieve our hearts desire? The answer is definitely NO!!! N...O... NO!!! We human are always not satisfy about all sort of things.... our school... our studies... our teachers... our friends.... our parents... and the most important, our life..... All around the world, there are many people who are fated more worse then our life's.... people like those which lived in poor countries.. war happening .. people starving.... but yet the reality is, compare us with them we are much much lucky than them, but somehow people just don't understand this fact and bragging about their miserable life's..... Our desire for more and more just can't stop... the greediness of human heart can't be kill or demolish..... we can only control the greediness of our human nature... and that i can say it is not easy at all....temptations are all around us.... who else in this world can be sure to say that they are not greedy????

People who has strong heart desire can also be known as desperate in the not so nice way.... felt kinda sorry to say so.....These people will intend to do all they can just to reach their goals....even by betraying their most trustable friends.....These are those people which are normally hated by people.... After all, i was once called a desperado... sigh.... but things have change.. i am no longer the old me... and now people recognize me as another person....as in a better person.... so i think is good to resolve and keep on improving.... Well sometime you can't blame those kind of people... because they wanted people to recognize their existence... so they try many things just to gt attention from others... i am once like that so i really understand their desperation... but if those desperation for power and also status.... i think they should really change their mind.... people will often choose you as a leader when you prove to them you are capable of handling things nicely.... so don't use other way to reach your goal.... always use the original way .. that's is hardworking and responsibility.... you can succeed with applying these values within you..... we can control our desire for all kinds of things if we try had enough to make it right....for me i think i am capable of doing these except for love.....

To be honest.... i am not a person who is very good in this kind of things... although i had been through this kind of things for many times but..... i am still very stubborn when it comes to this matter..... actually i myself also don't know why am i so stubborn in this kind of stuff..... maybe because i am always trusting people too easily... letting them budge in to my life very easy.... well i am those person which trust the friends very much.... because for me friendship is very important to me..... on the other hand finding some that i love and loves me is also very important.... because for me that's is the person that i will trust most beside my best friends.......or on the other hand you guys can say that i am a desperado or whatever..... i don't mind... because i am really desparate for love... maybe because i am lack of love since i was born.... not living with my parents... my parents never cared much about me....only provideme in financial support... and that is also limited to a very small amount...... i still have to work part time sometimes to earn moremoney to support my life..... is not easy being a teenager like me.... well ithink is because i can't get the love i should get from my family so i tried to get those feelings from another person....but everytime i triedto open up for the people i love.... it all ended up in an unwanted way....till now.... i am already losing much faith i have to put my trust into other people...and those people just keep on disapointing me..... its really sad.. getting disapointment again and again...... just can't hold back my feelings already... i am already on my limits ......

Last time i mention my broke up with my girlfriend...... well apparently we manage to get back to gether... but it was jsut a veryshort period of time.... the both of us broke up for real already..... and i can't do anything besides trying to comfort myself... making myself feel better....but the feeling is still as worse as ever.... well imagine you get dissapointed by the girl 2 times.... and the same reason is used..... well is not easy to handle it...... for sure..... and now the feeling of love has became hatred, anger, jealousy, sadness and a lilbit of love only....i kept on doin wrong things when i see her.... doing stupid emotions acting very childish everytime i see her... but that time i was just blinded by my sadness of getting disapointment...well as time goes on... ifelt that there is nth i can really do already... other than hoping she will be happy in the future... now all i need is her forgiveness..... i hope when she see this she will forgive me... for all the childish and stupid actions that i've made......i just hope that she will forgive me... and i won't bother her anymore.... now and forever... me and her has nothing related between each other already.... she is she i am still myself.... thats all i can say..... nth more....somehow now... i really need her forgiveness so that i can really start to move on without her..... if she does not... i will still be trap in the guilt i've commited.... and till then i am still feeling guilty each and every moment....... so please if you are reading to my blog... forgive me..... deeply in my heart i really felt sorry......i mean it.........

Desperation always leads people to do thins that is totally out of mind...... and make their life misserable... including myself i am like that.... just can't forgive myself now.....so i hoped for the people out there that read my blog... will know that sometimes.. its really a wise choise to let go... eventhough is the most harsh and hardest choise...... letting go will be the wises choise ....only with letting go we can free ourselfs from thoes frustration and totally pain memories of our's.....by letting go... all of the misseries that each sides holds will also fade away as time passes..... so letting go is the best choise...... it took me a very very long time to resolve to this choise.... lots of pointless and harmfull words i had said to her... and i still regret it.... sometimes i will wish for the time to turn back and let me fix the harm that i've done.... making a good girl like her suffer through this is just too unfair for her already.... i just hope i can take away all her pain and suffer now... and put it on to me... at least she will gain happiness and live happily without having those misserable memories.... i could do anything just to let her had a nice life.... away from this painful memories.... ia msorrry again for leading you into this .... i really do.. just i hope you will forgive me and let me make it up to you..... and then i won't bother you anymore....

Some people said once that life is too short.....

Many things that we wish to do but ended up not doing it.....

Regretments and disapointments will come upon all the time.....

But we should not let those feelings crush us down......

Learn from mistakes that we've commited and resolve from it....

though is not easy....

but the results of resolving thorugh our mistakes will made a large difference to our life's...

so don't look back even a second...

never ever think that is too late to change.....

because there is always a second chance for all of us......

The past is already been decided.....

But the future hasn't..... there is always a light in every darkness.... to lighthen us and guide us trough the right path.....

so don't give up no matter what the out comes are....... remember that......

The most unexpected moments in my life......

George Bernard Shaw once wrote, "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it." "

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely.

Have you ever felt the feeling of losing yourself into the deepest darkness.... the feeling that make you feel that is end of the world... and you can't do anything to make is alright... the person you loved most left you not because of she/he hated or got dissapointed by you... instead they left you because of the reason : I" don't think i am good enough for you... you treated me so well yet i don't think i love you enough... and that is unfair to you.... so i think we should be apart before both of us really regret... "

These word mention by that person... do you think the person act is right? or is the person wrong? well in my view.. there is no right or wrong within these sentences..... is the matter how you gonna face the fact, the truth that has been told to you.... sadly for me .... i can't think of anything or how to react when this situation comes to me.....

It happend jsut yesterday, when all things were goin well between me and the girl i've always love and cherish with my heart and soul......I love that girl so much... maybe most of you think i am crapping because i am just a teenagaer that just fell in love yet i don't understand what is love......well i dare to say so i am know what is love... and i know the pain the burden that people carried when they love someone....well as many people say this before " love can be sweet sometimes, but it can be bitter most of the times." Okay back to my story.....the girl with me... we had nothing dealing with the relationship we had all along.... it was very good indeed.. and many memorable moments we been through.... and i had always had that in my mind... she was the girl i am meant to be with... i will love her with all i can ... make her happy when she is sad... lend her my shoulders when she need to cry.... listen to her when she needs to talk..... be with her when she feels lonely.... well at least that's what i had in mind and i am willing to do those things for her......but thing never ever gone smooth in my life....

The girl was kinda moody that day, and i tought she had something to worry since the exams is just around the corner...I tried to ask her many times what's the problem because i just can't bare to see her feel like that... well things gone worse after i ask her what the problem she was occuring.... at last she told me what she had in mind... that time i was shocked.. she wanted to break up with me... that time my mind was suddenly blank.. i can't think of anything that time.... for a sudden i was stunned and did not even react in the way i should be.....

I asked for the reason why she said that... then she told me the reason: "you treated me well and love me very much, but i am not sure that i loved you anot... i felt unfair to you.... so i think we should be apart for now... sorry..."Those words are like knife stabbing through my heart and going thorough my body.....that moment i am really lost... for all the time the girl i love and shared all the moments with....SHE IS GONE.....out from my life already.... i was so sad...and for the first time in many years....i cried out... i really cried out ..... each and every tears full of sorrow and sadness..... pain that i can't affort to hold back.... i bacame so weak at the moment....it was the most awfull moment in my life.....

Well till now my feeling are still like that... empty, sorrow, sad cause nothing i can do to make her change her mind...... she told me to give her a month to let her think nicely.... does she love me anot.....i had no choise but to respect her decisions......

Life is really unexpected do they?? Yesterday morning i was a happy guy with the girl i love and care....and the night i am lonely .... holding on my sadness, the pain the cut throughs my heart and feeling the world is meaningless without the person you love....knowing that she lose faith not because of you but herself, knowing that she is sad and you can't be there for her...... that hurts more than ever....

Till now i am still wondering is this the truth of is it just another bad dream..... for all the moments we shared together... i don't think that she did not love me at all..... i can feel her love everytime we were together... the promises we made... it meant something.. do they or do they don't? the answer lies with in her now.... And i am trembleling at a corner crying without tears... hoping and wish for her answer after 1 month is the answer i desparately wanted to hear..... isn't that very silly?? A teenager talking bout sadness, pain, sorrow feelings.....that maybe right... i may be silly but that's how i feel now.... my heart is so empty.....is like an important piece of puzzle in my heart had gone lost....And i can't do anything at all....

If she is looking at this post... i wanted to let her know.... without her support for all this time.... i won't get as far as i can now.....from a not so good human, transforming into a better person.... i became who i am now because of her... she motivate me when i fell down, when all the bad things happend to me, she is always there to help me go thourgh those darktimes.... i owe her alot... and all i can do now i just sitting at the corner and try to be strong.....this is just too hard for me......i can't go on already.... hopefully time will do some magic on me....

For all the time.... i a simple thing from her... nothing much....

I did not wish for anything much from her... i just wanted her to love me.....

Well this time i had really lost me heart's desire....what should i do?resolve and be strong or i can just give up my life for this thing... well between these 2 choises... i can't choose either one of them..... cause i can't give up my life just like that... yet i can't hold on my feelings......and this feeling will continue till the day..... the day that will decide all once and for all....

but no matter what outcomes... the feelings for her.. no one can replace that... no one can be better than her in my heart forever......

A new Begining

well is my first time ever since i had decided to manage something seriously for these past few years...and one of the thing is managing my blog!!!!
It has been so long since i touch this place where i can freely write out all the things that i felt n express it out to all my friends.. i think i am gonna be quite good in handling this thingy... so i hope to get supprot form my friends out side...

*an important information i am gonna refreash my friends list soon so if i deleted some of you guys please forgive me... cause from now on my friend list will onli consist of people that really wanna make friends with me and not just simply add onli.... hope you all will understand*
a new begining eh? sound very exciting for me when i first tought of that... but to tell the truth it does really makes me more energetic and made my life more meaningfull somehow... well the power of words are very incredible ain't that correct ? haha....
so some of you must be wondering out there.. a guy like ting jiun will ever write blogs n express his opinion and also his experience and shared it with people??? hah!! thats quite imposible and unbelievable isn't it ? well in fact i am really doin it already, well hope you guys don;t ask why cause even myself can;t figure out why!!! Maybe i just wanted to make my life more meaningful??? MAYBE la hahaha.... but i guess nothing can be consider too late if you try hard to work for it right ??
Is already 6 years i study at St. Micheal's Institutiion.... many things happend during these period.. although some of those events are so harsh and cruel but i can be so sure to say that i am growing mature and more mature thorugh these experience...... Well tihs year i am studying in form6 already.... at the begining it was quite a sad thing for me.. because i did not really wanted to join form6 in the other hand i wanted to go college and study with my so called best friends... haha..But after i join form6 i realize that form6 in SMI wasn't that bad also.... i find it quite interesting and fun... for the first time i really liked to go to school... ain't that a miracle??? haha....
well i join the drama acting this year...is a really brave and proud thing for me because i was used to be the shy shy guy among all my friends... but i took the courage and take part in the audition and got choosen as one the cast in the school drama... although is not the main character or the charcter that i hoped for but overall its was quite fine.....at least i can proove to people even a shy guy can be brave sometimes....school only started 2 weeks but i am already taking part in all kinds of activities... well none of my friends and family predicted that also....is a very fresh experience for me also....so i think this new begining in my life sure will turn up to be a very interesting one....well who knows ??? hahaha....
so this will be the starting for my new life and also my blogging....i hope all my friends outside there will support me always no matter what kind of way you guys are gonna do that.....so thats all for now.....
-ting jiun-
All people has unwanted memories,Don't let them haunt the presence you,Stay strong!!!Overcome it!!!!!And live on with a heart that has no.......Regrets..............