Brooke Fraser

Been listening to songs by Brooke Fraser lately from her album Albertine.

Here are some of the songs hope you guys enjoy =)

Albertine

Deciphering Me

peace...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

(Matthew 11:28)

For God is always there for us, we just need to seek for Him and ask comfort from Him.

Focus!!

'As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.'

John 9:1-11

This verse reminds me about a wonderful characteristic the Jesus owns. Single-mindedness or can be known as clear focus. It is hard to gain a clear focus on God when we have so many agendas going on around us. But Jesus manage to do that. All the time He was on earth He knew His calling and He knew His part to play in this great salvation plan the God had planned long time ago.

This is one of the quality that I admire so much about Jesus. Jesus always had in mind about His job here and even when he was tempted He manage to just pull it through and continue to uphold God. At most of the time, I just can't manage to do so. Always caught up in my own agenda and tend to just ignore God. But just have to bear in mind all the time, God is a sole provider!

Just like what happen just now, mom called and scolded me for reasons of me spending over money and decided to cut my allowance. At first, it really made me think," what the heck man, I'm really saving up so much already yet you still wanna cut my allowance around 40% of it, how am I gonna survive?!?!" But thinking of it now, God is the main provider but not my mom. Without God providing my parents how can they provide me. And at that moment I realize that I focus on money more than God. Please Forgive me oh Lord.

God is the one that we should focus on rather than other stuff. We always think that this can't happen that can't happen but with God everything is possible accordingly to His will. Whatever I have now, God is the main provider and definitely He can take it away from me also is He wants to.

'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down on the right hand of the throne of God. Consider his who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.'

Hebrews 12:2-3

By fixing our eyes on Jesus, that we know God has everything well planned for us and we can just depend on God fully and follow His will accordingly. God is not a sadist God but He is or great God, great provider to all of us. So just focus on God, for He will not let any of His children into despair. Let not the voice of devil influence our minds to focus on the worldly stuff but we should just focus on God alone. Amen.

May our hearts and mind will always set focus on you Lord as you are the main provider but not others. And with You everything is possible as we know that You are awesome and great. And your love for us will keep us alive and not make us perish.

Love our enemies...

'But I tell you who hear me; Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you....'

Luke 6:27

As time passes by, God always instill more and more thoughts in my mind, telling me that I have this to overcome that to overcome. And this post responds directly to the last post that I've post which is forgiveness. When we say forgive, we forgive those who wronged us by reconciliation and make peace with them. But there is a greater calling beyond apply the heart of forgiveness. Which is Love our enemies, to good to those that oppose you.

Well 1st thing when I get this verse from God, I was like whoa!! Hardcore stuff man, God you are really testing me to the limits. As further on, I began thinking about people that wronged me, people that I dislike, people that annoys me, and the mind of this things just kept on coming and coming and coming. Well certainly I can say this is not easy for me at all!

But why love our enemies ?

'If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?'

Matthew 6:46

It is stated in the bible clearly, what is the reason behind loving our enemies, the people that despise us, people that we dislike or hate. If we were to love someone that love us also and that we have good impression towards the guy/girl, wouldn't it be easy? since we are okay with them. There is no need of like putting any extra effort just to try to even communicated with the individual since we are okay whit each other.

But on the other hand, loving your enemies, now this is a though call. Imagine how can we try to love someone that we hate and despise so much, knowing that the person might have wrong us so many times, until the unbearable extend. But God tells us to love these kind of people!! Why? It's quite simple yet hard to do actually. If we were to love someone we already love it will be easy to accept them but, if we were to learn how to love those we hate, we really need to calm down our hearts and put everything aside to just try to accept them and care for them. But by doing show, it shows a more genuine heart because although it was hard to accept certain facts about the person that we dislike, we try to put effort in trying to understand more bout them and try to help what ever we can do.

It will be hard but is shows more of a genuine heart.

If Jesus can love us so much even though we are the one who put Him on the cross and crucified Him, I'm sure that through Him we can learn more and be more like Him. Definitely I can say it's impossible for us to just love our enemies just like that But with God everything can be done. Jesus came down to show us all this ways, ways of loving those who persecute us and those we despise. And as a follower by all means, we should try to learn more about how to be a obedient follower and try to be more like Him.

So may we learn more and more on how to love our enemies despise that they had wrong us at most times, God is love and as Christians we should learn how to love those who had wronged us but rather than just dwell ourselves in the midst of anger and revenge. Love covers everything, and with the help of God nothing is impossible.

Forgiveness...

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."

Luke 5:23-24

It has been 2 years since I accepted Christ as my God, Lord and Saviour. Through out this walk I can say that I've gone through quite a lot of problem due to my disobedience. But God is graceful, for I did so many wrong thing that had made Him upset and even at this moment I'm still making fault can causing Him to be disappointed at me. Which leads to todays post about forgiveness. It's something that is easy to say but hard to be done.

Why forgiving people is important ? Ultimately it is because of God's love and grace towards us sinful men. Jesus came down to show the true way of walking our life as Christians and for our sake He was crucify on the cross and His blood had wash all our sins away making us able to connect with God again. We should know that we are so bless because although we had sinned so much but yet God's love and grace had given us salvation and we are all forgiven as long as we repent and follow Christ.

Knowing that we are all forgiven by God's grace, shouldn't we be doing the same rather than displeasing God by judging others and not forgiving them by holding on on their faults and wrong doings? Through out my walk as a Christian I can say that this is one of the part that I'm lacking of. The heart of forgiving towards others. Even though I always said it's okay no offence taken, but at most of the times I just can't seemed to really forgive the person that have wronged me. Even as time passes by my grudge still withholds at times. Mainly this problem come from my pride and ego which thank God that He is helping me overcome it at this moment. Really pray that I can overcome this weakness of mine and advance further towards God's kingdom.

Going back to the topic.Why is forgiving that hard ? It is because most of us can't even forgive ourself to begin with. We are always aware about our own faults and most of the time when we repent and we keep falling back on the same spot which cause us to feel diminish and unworthy to accept God's forgiveness. And unable to forgive ourself we are also unable to forgive other as when we see our weakness on other people. By continuing focusing on our sin and not thinking of ways to overcome it will just lead us to a more negative part of our life which we will keep on dwelling on our faults and distancing ourself for God.

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

(Matthew 11:28)

For God had already teach us the right thing to do when we wronged Him. is to repent and asking God to help us in overcoming our weaknesses rather than keep saying sorry to God and dwelling on our own faults. What is the use of dwelling unto the past when we can't do anything except sulking and being emotional. The right thing we should do is to focus back on God and God will definitely help us go through this walk together.

By learning that we will eventually learn how to forgive others also. God had forgiven us so many times and yet we had failed Him most of the time, so if we are still unable to learn that from God, we are really unworthy of being forgiven by God. As a Christian we live in a big body Christ and our job is to help those which need our help. And if we do not learn how to forgive those who had wrong us in past how can we help them when we ourselves have grudge on them. We should take out the splinter in our own eyes before looking at others. This is how Jesus was when He was on earth.

God had forgive us long time before all of us are born, and we should take a repenting heart to seek forgiveness and let not Satan affect us by using our own faults and pull us down. God forgives and with a genuine heart for God definitely we can overcome our weaknesses with God's help. And if we know how good is God definitely we will try our best not to repeat the mistakes again to hurt God, and by knowing God's grace to us, we as Christians should also learn the true ways of forgiving other as how God had forgiven us at the beginning.

May we know of our God's amazing love and grace and also learn how to apply it in our daily life's as we get more closer to Him. Let not our hearts be influence by Satan's lies because Jesus already won the war long time ago. We are all already forgiven and we should learn how to forgive others.

Humility

'

..... he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples feet...'

John 13:5

How often that we think we are better others? In terms of academic, family background, wealth, relationship with others, our knowledge toward God's word. This is off something that is seen in our daily life's. We always compare ourself with others and judging them, labeling them accordingly to what we see with out naked eyes. And with that we become selective and choose people that we feel comfort to help with, at the same time being ignorant towards those of doesn't give benefits for us.

From time to time we are labeling people, giving them names and we just ignored those who are lesser compare to us. But, this is not of what God wants! In the bible, it was show through Jesus that he lived His life as a leader which serve other regardless of their ranks and status. This lifestyle of Jesus is the way of life that we should follow. By serving others and helping those who are indeed rather than kicking those group of people aside and just ignore every single one of them.

The quoted verse above is from the story when of Jesus knew Judas was going to betray Him but yet he still teach serve them and was his feet knowing everything that is gonna happen next and at the same time He taught the disciples to do of the same thing to others also. From that passage we knew how Jesus is. Jesus is fully man but also fully God at the same time. But He showed to all of us what is the true meaning of being a Christian, which is to serve others and helping others but not of just doing things and claiming glory to ourself.

But nowadays what are we doing ? Instead of serving others like how Jesus taught, we took up the pride and walk another way most of the time. Being a Christian which means to be more and more like Christ but not just being a worldly 'cekap' Christian. All of us should humble down ourself and serve others like what Jesus did.

'I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sends him.'

John 13:16

We must always remember that God is our master and He is of Pure and Holy. we can never compare ourself to Him. He is our master and as followers we are to be submit to Him. It was never like go and serve those who you feel comfort with, but it should be go and serve those who are indeed. And to do that we must learn how to put down our pride so that we will always remember that no matter how great we are in God's eyes we are all of the same, filthy sinners and displeases God.

I know most of the time its hard, I often struggle in this part also. Always thinking highly of myself and just being plain ignorant to those which of I feel is lesser than me and I will just look down at them. But those are the people that needs my help more than any of my other friends. Pride kills, seriously and only by humbling down ourself only we will learn how to love others as how God loves us in the 1st place. We sinned so much and yet God loves us so much, and we who don't deserve any of God's love at the first place should also helping others to see God's love for them instead of just being selfish.

We are all of the same, our body is covered with sin. But by God's love and grace we are given a second chance. As a true follower of Christ, we should instead of taking the love to ourself, we should show others about God's amazing love and grace and guide them into God's kingdom. And we are to remember that we are not any great, but we are disciple of Jesus, and as a disciple our job is to follow what the masters says and being submissive to our master.

So may we know that we are not worthy of being love by God what more becoming His son. But we are given a second chance by God's grace and love. And as His sons we should follow His command and His way of servanthood. Because without God giving another chance we are all definitely going to hell.

EMOtions...

Emotion... something simple and yet hard to understand of.

Emotion is something of that is in every human being on earth. It is emotions that make us human in a way. So that we will have feelings of, happy, joy, sad, angry.

It is true that emotions makes us feel more but, emotions will also lead us to stray if we are no able to control and handle it maturely.

In our Christian walk, we are suppose to be of sensitive towards God's word and his calling to us. But instead, I'm quite sure that most of us are being affected so much by our emotions rather than be much of obedient and more selfcontrol towards ourself. Well, that can't be blame though since we human are sinful in nature and deceitful.

As is was also written in Jeremiah

'

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?'

Jeremiah 17:9

Our heart will always lead us into astray if God is not in the picture. No matter how good we can be, we are still humans and humans always tend to repeat the same mistakes again and again. At the end of the day we are still sinful people in God's eyes but made righteous through Jesus. So the right thing to do is not to try to suppress the 'emoness' in ourself but rather learn how to let it out to God and learn how to overcome it ultimately. If we are to only holding back those feelings but not try to overcome it, somewhere someday it will still lead to where one reach their limits and KABOOM!!! There goes the emo streak again.

I myself is a very emotional type of guy, I can say that I can hardly control my feelings and emotions when I'm frustrated and stress up. And it has been bothering me so much, which also cause a lot of friends to move far aways from me due to the unstable emotion. It WAS NEVER easy for me even right now. But I know I have God in me now to help me overcome it, definitely at times I will still feel emotional but I know how to channel it of rather than try to attempt stuff that will cause people to dislike me more.

'Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be trouble and don't be afraid.'

John 14:27

God brings peace to our hearts if we let Him in to intervene in our daily livings. Doesn't mean that one you have peace things will just like miraculously turn out to be okay also. Instead God provides us with a calm and peaceful heart so that we will have a clearer mind set on what we should do next rather than being influence by what is of Satan's lies and also our deceitful hearts. Let not of those control our life but let God work miracles in our life as we learn to depends on Him more and more.

'And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.'

1 Peter 5:10

God's plans for us are definitely not to hurt us more but to bless us and teach us more about His way. And God will restore everything that is of His will in the end of the day once we overcome those trials that God put us in. For all this trials are to build our spiritual life up but not to stumble it.

So may we be more open up towards God's voices and know that we need Him so much to intervene in our life's to show us and teach us the true way of life. It was never easy but it is also never things that we cannot handle of. Trust in God and as time goes, we will see the fruit that we've planted.

True Servanthood..

"But I am among you as one who serves."

Luke 22:27

In todays scripture we might get a little bit idea of where I'm gonna head today. Today I'm gonna discuss about servanthood. How a Christian should react when we are in a ministry.

Due to this era's teaching, leadership has been taught in a very different perspective. We always take leader as someone which is of in full control and also full of authority. Leaders now a days are to govern everything that they could, control everything that they could to lead the group or an organization towards certain target. Truly in some point this kind of leadership is effective in handling certain situation . But, this is not of what God meant as a mark of a good leader. Instead, Jesus himself had portray a very good view on what a mark of a true leader should be like.

Do you know why leaders are elected to become leaders? And who is the ultimate leader that allow their election to be done? In ultimately, leaders are elected to guide and lead us in our life's. In church leaders are like pastors, church elder, youth leader and so on. These are the people that is anointed by God himself so that they will help God in God's ministry by guiding new Christians and also teaching them how to be a true disciple so that in the future they can also be good Christians leaders that will continue on God's work on earth. But what is it should a leader having rather than all that worldly leadership quality that we always see so often in around us?

It is the servanthood quality that God is trying to imply to us. When Jesus came down to earth and at the age he started His ministry, Jesus portrayed a very good servanthood example to all of us. Instead of coming down from the heaven and declare His is God Almighty and send fear and wraith to the people, Jesus He walk a righteous life during His times on earth. He was always there to care about others more than Himself. Jesus was never self centered and He was always going around serving people and helping people with a humble heart of a servant. He does not take pride in His works but yet He give all the glory back to the Father in heaven.

This is the mark of a true leader, serving others that are in need rather than just command and codenamed those who did wrong. But sadly to say, in this world today there are Churches that misinterpreter the meaning of what is a good leader. Some of the Church leader will often take advantage of their authority as a leader and put words of not from God just for the purpose of deceiving the other believers to gain benefits from it. This is a very sad fact to be know.

Because what ever we do in earth is always under God's will and God's plan Himself. And definitely we have NO rights AT ALL to even change whatever God wants to tell us to do. Because mens heart a always deceitful and we can't make the right choice or say the right things without God's guidance and advise.

Philippians 2:5-11

⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

⁶Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

⁷but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

⁸And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death—

even death on a cross!

⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Through this passage we can clearly see how God expects and want a leader or a servant of God should be. Ultimately Jesus is a perfect example of a true leader. A leader that came down in flesh and walk the earth to show the true and the right way for all of us,

WE just need to remember and remind ourself all the time, there is nothing to be claim for ourself when we did something for God. Because we could've never did it without God's help and God's love for us. All the glory goes back to God which at the very beginning that had forgiven us for our sins and mold us to be who we are now. SO there IS NOTHING for us to claim glory of. We must always remember our role are as servants of God on earth. Regardless we are leaders of churches of just leaders of other things also. We might be the one telling them what to do, but the wisdom to leading them comes from God ultimately. No men can do and make the right choice correctly just by follow their own intuition but not God's advice and guidance.

God should always be the centered of everything, so that we wont take the glory to ourself but to God.

So may we know our true roles on earth are as God's servants but not of leaders that rule others based on our own knowledge. God is the center of everything and only God Himself can provide the right choice and what is the best choice for all of us. All we need to do is to obey God's will and follow the footstep of Jesus so that we can be more and more of a servant leader to the others rather than a worldly leader.

A believer or a follower?

'Why do you call me, " Lord, Lord,"and do not do what I say?'

Luke 6:46

Well I guess this is a very common thing that we as modern Christian are facing today. Proclaiming that we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ but do not actions to show our Love to God. It is true that we are saved by God's grace as long as we repent, confess our sins and believe the Jesus is the only way to God's kingdom. But, what is there to proclaim about when all that is done is just saying it out. What is faith without actions? Is it still call faith? when we face problems in our life's and we just complain that things are just so hard to go through it and most of the time we will just give up and sulk and 'emo' at the corner.

Was talking to a friend today about hard times. hard times as in trials that we as Christian will go through. One thing that we told me made me think a lot, he said,"Just compare ourself with the other Christians that is in those country where Christianity is banned and those who believe in the Lord are persecuted and tortured. Yet their faith is still unto the Lord regardless of what situation they are facing." That really made me realize how childish I had been all this while. Dwelling on what has been done wrong and just holding on to that feeling thinking bout it all the time, yet actions to overcome it are very limited. In fact those other Christians out there are suffering more than us yet their faith in the Lord is so strong. What bout myself? what bout some of us here ? Sometimes is just the slightest thing that God ask us to give up or just leave behind for now but yet we are already so heave hearted to just let it go. But can't be blame since we are all humans.

We can always be a believer, but with that 'insubordination' heart of ours we can never be a good disciple, and a good follower. At the end of the day we will be caught in between our desire and also God's plans for us. It was never a bed of roses walking a Christian life style, but with God by our side, there will be a calm and peace feeling even though when we are in totally deep shit. Because God heal the broken hearted and through Him everything will can be done accordingly to His will.

We as just humans always put God's capability into a small box, limiting our understanding bout Him. But He is God, the one and only God Almighty, the one that create the heavens and earth, the breath life into us giving us life. God is just so awesome and great, nothing is IMPOSSIBLE for Him. SO rather than thinking that God why this, why that, why don't we start focusing on," God just tell me what is need to be done."

"But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

Luke 6:49

We can always say how much we love God and how much we have faith in Him, but all will be tested when the real torrent structs our lives. Can we act accordingly to the word of God? or we just dwell and just stay on the very spot thinking nothing be be done no more? It was never easy, 100% bout it, that's why God sent Holy Spirits to help us and guide us through these hard times, and all we need to do is just to be more sensitive to His voice.

As what was written in the book of Job.

He replied," You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Job 2:10

When God bless us we will always say how good He is, but when hard times approaches can we still say the same? But God is of same and will never change, we just need to remember that no matter what hard things that hit us God wouldn't allowed it if we can't handle it and definitely there will be a solid reason why God allowed it to happen. For God's plans are always to bless us but not to bring harm to us. We just need to remember that.

So may we be more of a follow rather than just a believer. Because God is always good and never ever His plans is to bring harm to us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Follow the right leader..

' ..... you have only one Master and you are all brothers,'

Matthew 23:8

As we know so well in this world, we are given free will to do things we want to, to make choices that we want to as long as it is suitable for the society to accept and also ethical. But given free will yet we are still bound by stuff like emotions, feelings, and other factors that will lead us to make choices based on those reasons. But other than that what is the other factor that will cause us to make different choices that we should have made in our life's ?

Leaders...

Whether you like it or not, our life is always control by someone or something. Just for example, our parents ? our friends ? money ? I bet you are thinking that even though I have friends but I still make my own decisions. But well if you observed carefully in a group of friends there will be always prune to have one acting as a leader suggesting stuff to do and so and basically he/she will have more influence in the group. Take it this way the leader that I'm portraying here is someone or something that will lead our life's towards different endings that God may want us to be.

Take another example money? Money is definitely another leader in most of the people now a days. People are willing to work for extra hours, doing all sort kinds of things including backstabbing or lying even so to gain money. Which lead to a ungodly life.But all in all there is only one leader that can lead us to the right path, which is Jesus Christ !!!

Worldly people might say why Jesus? He is just another somebody that got nail on the cross for spreading His religion. But the truth is we know that's wrong. Jesus is the ultimate leader that we should follow. Why?

(1) He is God.
(2) Even as men on earth we walk His life sinless and faithful to the Lord.
(3) He is so pure, yet he is known as 'Friend of sinners'
(4) He loves everyone of us.

There are just too many aspect to say that Jesus IS our leader and the leader that we should really follow. As my personal experience, a lot of times I had been focusing on other stuff which means I put other as my leader more than Him. My friends, my computer, my girlfriend and etc.. And guess what, when I kept on doing this everything that I though it was so perfectly happening just falls apart and my attitude just tend to get back to how I used to be before becoming a follower of Christ.

See, God is so important in our lives. We can always say that we can have our self control, but hey how long can you last all by yourself? At the end of the day you will just fail and fall back of square one. I dare say that we cannot ever control our decision and emotions nicely without God in our lives. He is the one that is doing the magic in our life's. The Holy Spirit in us gives us the conviction to follow whatever God ask us to do, and without it we will just fall back to where we started after being tempted and so on.

It's never easy following Christ's footstep, even He Himself was persecuted and was nail on the cross. But because of Jesus, it gave us hope. Jesus came down as full men to walk the word of God among us and showed us that we can be better and better and more like Him if we just try hard enough and be faithful to God. And through Jesus we are all saved.

Jesus answered," I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

John 14:6

Jesus is the only way for us to return back to God's kingdom. And this is the ultimate fulfillment in our lives but not by holding on to other worldly stuff that you can't take away after you've died. And as to be a disciple of Christ we have to 1st die to our old self and follow Him as a new creation.

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

Matthew 16:24-25

So as what the bible say, we can only find full purpose in our life through Jesus once we deny ourself. Which means of letting go all those that we shouldn't hold on to. So that our hearts can concentrate on God Himself only.

May we just learn more and more on how to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ, and we will put down our lives and take up the cross and follow Jesus. Cause he is the only way.

Selfcontrol..

It's the third day since that 'thing' happen, it still so fresh in my mind and just can't stop thinking bout it.

But well what can I do, I screw things up so I have to bear this feelings myself. Can't blame anyone other than myself.

I really have to stop dwelling in this matter, cause I can see the potential of me getting worse but not getting better in terms of emotion and also spiritual growth. Talked and pray to God quite often these few days. Well desperate I guess LOL... sorry Lord.

Through out this days just makes me more closer to God again because I started depending unto Him again rather doing my own stuff. Well what can I say God is great, I can say without Him in my life I think I wouldn't be blogging even right now. Like what she says all the time, you do what is right in God's eyes, don't hurt God and don't make people around you hurt also. So God just wanna thank you for helping me through this hardtimes though I'm still feeling it but God I know that you will restore everything back to how it was in no time. I have faith in you.

Today went out with my old school friends, Luke, Tyrael, and Simon. Well jsut share how I felt to them and I learned sometime that is quite correct. I ask Luke about how did you overcome all this sadness and pain when you had your hard times last time. And he spontaneously told me just control your emotions. Don't let you feelings control you.

Well I guess he is right, we humans are given the privileged of free will, but with this free will hardly we can just do the right things in our life. We are always bounded by our emotions, pain, regrets, temptations, frustrations... it made me think a lot at that point. I was too immature to handle what I was given, all I did was just by following my emotion which see what happen now. And I finally realize most of the time, right decisions are always hard to made.

I guess that's why me need Jesus in our life's so help guide us to make the correct choices in our life's.

Without Him guiding our way, all I can say is we are definitely SCREWED!!!

Life is just of too much of choices to be made and some of them are very hard. But with God guiding us through, we definitely know what is the right thing to do. And know I know why are you convicted to do so also. Forgive me for I did not listen to you and ended up with all this unwanted negative events.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

For God won't hurt us or just lead us to a dead end. His love covers everything.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7

God Is Love, and all in all His love never fails, so I will just trust in Him even in the most impossible moments. Because God can make it possible. What ever is install for me in the future, I will just trust in the Lord that what He tells me to do. We as always will always fall back into sin but by God's grace and Love I'm sure that we can be a better creation day by day.

May we have the strength to be more discipline and be more attentive unto God's word for us. For God Himself loves us so much and His love never fails.....

By faith I'm moved....

Sorry...

Its 4.11 a.m. and I am still awake. Cool! Looks like I'm not gonna have any early sleeps for this whole week. But well, I choose to be like this so can't complain bout it.

Was meditating and praying to God just now, these few days is just too much of a havoc for me. Well not that people wrong me, but I've wrong someone and hurt the person so deeply. And the person is my Closest best friend. Still can't get over with the stupid things that I did to her. And I just can't forgive myself and so.

It just makes me think a lot, really a lot. What if I never do this, what if I never said that, my mind is just so full so misery, frustration, pain, self disappointment. Just couldn't forgive myself. And kept calling her, trying to phone her, msn, sms, any means way jsut to let her know that I'm sorry but just couldn't get a reach of her. Well definitely I guess, who will just talk to someone that just wrong you so so badly just right away. But well, I just could sit still so I tried to reach to her to make sure that she is okay, but responds seems to be I still don't wanna talk to you.

Well I understand how she is feeling now, and didn't really force her to say anything, except making sure that she is okay and safe. Just hope that I could just prove to her that I will change and mend things up, and hopefully our friendship wont be just a mere history after this incident.
i will just do my best in fixing and patching everything up.

As I was talking to God just, just realize I'm really an ultimate douche bag! All the things that I did to her was totally unacceptable and I kept on disappointing her every time. But God just reminded me this verse.

John 15:5,8

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

And I realize all this while I'm just doing things my way, my style by not caring about how other felt. I didn't put myself in her shoe all this while hopping that she will just follow whatever I say. This very moment I knew that I really did something ultimately wrong and damaging towards the friendship. I was over controlled by my emotions all the time rather than follow what God told me in my heart all the time. Until things as such happen, and all I can do is just cry over spill milk and just ponder upon my mistakes.

In a way, it shows that I'm really immature to handle these relationship stuff yet. So I guess what Winson and she say was right. is because of my immaturity that God had taken all this away from me because He know that I will make things worse. In fact I already did by not listening to Him. Is of that in obidience and also self-centered act that leads me to destruction. And now I learn that sometimes or most of the times we just can't do things our way and not caring bout what others felt. I'm very sorry for hurting you my dear friend. Hope you will really forgive me.

God must always be the center of everything, all in all without God we are not capable of doing anything especially when it comes to communicating and interacting with one another. God never ever make things hard for us, is just our stubbornness that leads us to this harshness. Even right now, my mind is still having the thoughts of I wish I followed what God ask me to do instead of trying to fix the problem myself, and because of my silliness I might have already lost a close friend that I cherish so much. God I'm really sorry for being such a stubborn person and not listening to what you say and always take pride in my way to solve the problems. I will learn how to be more sensitive to your words even more next time.

As for my friend that I've hurt, If you're reading this just hope that you will forgive me although I've said it like a lot of time and disappoint you a lot of times also. I'm sorry that I disobeyed God and ruined our relationship. Just hope that there will be a day where me n you can just sit down and talk and spend time like we used to do. I really miss those days that when we had no single argument at all. Really hope for that day to come. But now, I will just concentrate on my spiritual growth and also my character building and same time wait for you to accept me back. By God's grace and Love I'm sure you and I can go through and make it to the vision that you see.

Till then, just take care of yourself. I will just be around the corner waiting for you. And if you need me just text me or call me, I will be there right away. Again, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Forgive me..

It hurts...
I know that.. I know sorry means nothing....
Words can't patch anything up at all...
But time will show..
I will prove it to you no matter what....
Persevere I will be...
Even when I fall....
I will still stand up and prove it to you...
This is how I'm gonna show my affection to you..
. Will be here for you...
Now, always, forever....

Please forgive me...
I'm sorry....


Love you....
Now, always, forever...

Faith...

As painful as it is...

This is what you call life...

If this process....

We strive....

Towards something that is always unseen and unsure by us....

And that we call as.....

Faith....

Faith, I can say that this is a very heavy word to be use to describe an individual's believes. When you say that you have faith, means you really believe in that something that you would just put everything every hope into it. Strong word indeed I can say.

So how do we apply this 'faith' that we always mention in our life's ? We do often hear this ....

"I have faith in you..."

"Please trust me, have faith in me..."

"Where is your faith?"

Well I do admit I say this a lot of times, indeed very a lot I can say. Well my point is, do we really know what does it mean by really having faith in a certain matter?

All this while, I thought that I had so much faith in the Lord and nothing could have stumble my faith towards him, and my faith will just kept on rising and rising. But well, God see the pride in me that I claimed that I have so much faith that I can withstand all sorts of trials and temptation. But 2 days ago, God proved me so wrong that my faith is just that small.

Something happen 2 days ago that really struck me back into my old self, full of hatred, anger, sadness, displease, disappointments, frustration, irrationality, I just could get my mind straight at all for the very 1st time since I became a Christian. All I can say is my faith was tested till the max, and I failed it ultimately. And for the past few days its was just complaining, blaming, on others why this things happen rather than by admitting my own faults and my own weaknesses that cause such things to occur. I was being so selfish and self centered. Without knowing what is my fault I kept continuing doing all these negative stuff such as thinking of ways to suicide, inflicting wounds and scars on myself. To think back of what I did, I'm really ashamed of myself. So much for someone that claim that he has so much faith compare to others. Yet, I'm just a sore loser like everyone else. Just can't admit my fault and moved on and try to change it rather all I do is just sobbing bout it and complaining it again and again.

It really made me think a lot, is this the so called 'faith' that I said I have? If that's the case, is just the same as faithless. Because what is faith without actions? It means nothing to God, not even a bit. Was talking to my best friend just now, she help me realize a lot of stuff, bout what I should've done instead of weapping and sobbing over spill milk. All I can do now is to take up my cross again and keep on improving until I become better and better. And what she say was right, I can always advise her about become a faithful follower in Christ, but I am not able to walk my talk. That makes me no difference from others because all I know is just talking and boasting just like an empty tin. As loud as it can sound but the inner is empty.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7

Then she show me this verse, I realize how a jerk I am and how stupid I am to do all this stuff. God's Love is never failing even though I had fail him so much not only this time but many times. But all I did was just complain while God did not even utter a single word when I've sinned so much. I'm sorry Lord, sorry for acting as such, and I'm sorry for acting like this in front of all the people that care bout me through out this period of time. I'm deeply sorry.

If God can love me as so graceful and merciful, I will do my best not to let God down though I always do. Lord just ask for Your help even right now to just help me, teach me and guide me to be a better person in Your way so that I can be a good testimony for others that needs help seeking the truth. I will continue to build up my faith, and I believe someday my faith will tell others how I walk this path with You Lord.

By faith I'm moved...

My Heart beats for you Jesus...